Here is the good stuff. This is where the magic happens. Mothers, post your letters in the comment section, or email to motherletter@gmail.com.
UPDATE
We are still taking submissions for the Mother's Day Edition, 2009. Give us your best stuff!Thank you so much for your letters. We are eternally grateful.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
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Here is an example letter:
Dear Mother,
How did you know it was time? When did you stop thinking, "Wow, I'm glad it's not me" each time a new friend announced that she was pregnant? When did you start to refer to yourself as "Mommy" and feel that nesting instinct rise to a whole new level? When did you discover that your favored topics of conversation included the cloth vs. disposable diaper debate and whether or not to vaccinate?
I'm afraid that I will never have those feelings. I still have this sense of wonder whenever someone announces their pregnancy, one that automatically sets us apart. The thing is - I want to be a mother, ideologically. Since I was young, I've thought about my future children. I remember one very specific evening in Southwest Ohio where I found myself staring at the mirror in a sodden bathroom, crying because I loved my to-be children so much. I pray for them the way I used to pray for my future husband. Some mornings, as I'm putting on uncomfortable shoes and getting ready for my corporate job, I wish that I was packing bag lunches and walking the kids to school.
I'm afraid we're going to wait too long. We'll wait for the world financial crisis to settle, wait for my husband to finish school, wait until we're fully vested in our 401Ks. We'll wait so long that I'll be an old mother, lame and out of touch. The kids with young moms were always the coolest. Moms who shopped at Rave and looked for clothes in the junior section. Moms who were in their young twenties, moms that could jump on a trampoline with the best of them.
I'm afraid I won't know what I'm doing. "Don't worry, no one does" is always the response. Sometimes….I feel such anger towards my dog - MY DOG - that it terrifies me. I didn't realize I could be so vile. What, if anything, am I hoping to accomplish in passing on these characteristics to a new generation? Will they inherit my lack of patience, my tendency towards the melancholy, my bony knees? Or will they take after their father - blue eyed and ready to take on the world with all the optimism that that requires?
I'm afraid that I idealize everything about being a mother. But I'm more afraid that I won't get the chance to find out if that's the case, because - as evidenced by this letter - I am simply too fearful.
Love,
Jess
Dear Mother,
When we found out our son would have challenges and would possibly see God sooner than we would I hurt in a way that I didn't know was possible. I would have done anything to make it better, but for the first time there was absolutely nothing I could do, nothing I could say to change the situation. I would taken him to a million specialists and sold my house a hundred times over if I thought I could do anything to help my child.
How helpless I felt, and yet how much strength I drew from knowing God was in the middle of it. Knowing God said to trust even when I couldn't see the way helped so much.
The innocence of life was altered forever - never again would I take a smile for granted, let a cuddle pass, or get too busy to see my little one for who he was. Special care became part of our lives and when those requirements became noticeable to those around and to those who passed, I found myself not resentful, but rather feeling love and compassion toward everyone who passed. I will never look at a mother of a child with additional care requirements the same - they do so much, give so much, love so deeply, endure so strongly, hurt so keenly, and appreciate life so much.
At the beginning, I thought it would hurt to feel the inquisitive glances but I was so proud of my little one that I simply felt compelled to smile, and may have even glowed when they looked. They might have felt sorry for me, but I could not feel sorry for myself. As a mother, loving a child with special requirements, who draws so strongly on the gifts of a mother, is perhaps the most enriching experience I will ever know.
My little one has entered the gates of heaven, but I will forever be his mother, and he a part of me. As much as I would give anything to hold my little one close, my life will be forever richer because of him. It is only through him that I have learned that the love of a mother is a love that knows no bounds, that knows joy like no other, that feels pain for another to a depth unexplainable, that would do anything for another without a thought of the sacrifice, that would be no other place than next to that little child, that can kiss a fuzzy head and draw so much from one kiss, that gains wings from seeing God grow in their child, that would do anything to fix a wound and that would pray with joy, tears and supplications more than for any other.
If asked what lessons I have learned that I would want to share I would say this taught me to trust that God, who made me a mother and who created my child, equipped me to meet the needs of my child. I would say listen to what your child is teaching you. Make time to get to know your children; not just who you think they are, but who they think they are. Strip yourself of what you want them to be and look deeply into what God has made them, who they dream of being, who they are. Tell them often how much you love them. Kiss them endlessly. Hug them abundantly. Yield them to our heavenly Father, He will do so much more than we could imagine for them. Parent them intentionally and with purpose. Enjoy every opportunity where little hands seek yours and find contentment there. Revel in the snuggles after dark that provide the chance to hear the softly spoken thoughts from the bottoms of their souls. Breathe them in deeply.
The handprints of our children will be captured on our hearts forever and will shape our hearts into a work of art that only a child can create.
Love,
Suse
Dear Mother,
Tomorrow my baby boy turns 30. I reflect back through the years and the special memories of Jonathan, still seeing his sweet face grinning as we would gather around the table or all pile together on the couch for our "family altar". Ron would pull out one of our volumes of Character Sketches and he would read and try to instill values and character into our precious 3 little ones, and create a hunger in them to know God. Now, as the youngest turns 30, I wonder, what do they remember of all those years of gathering around the kitchen table and sharing and praying. Did we teach our children the truly important facts of life and knowing God, and what did they learn by our example? Thankfully, our children have had not only our prayers, but prayers, love and godly examples set by grandparents. Soon, they will all be coming home for Thanksgiving and I am looking forward with great anticipation, to gathering around the kitchen table and listening as they share their busy lives with us. So, I need to start baking the pies and dressing and prepare to be WOW'd by more memories being made and shared this Holiday Season. I wish you and daddy could be here, you would be proud of my kids and grandkids, but we'll be with you soon, gathering 'round the table and these earthly memories will be just a vapor in the wind.
I love you, momma~
Teela
Dear Mothers,
I have thought about becoming one of you for quite awhile. I have even made it into your club a few times. Permanently, I had thought—perhaps next time.
It is amazing how the moment I saw those lines on the pregnancy test, my heart and my brain changed instantly. I was responsible for growing and nurturing another being, and suddenly nothing else seemed important.
I have no doubt that one day I will fully join you. It’s something I was born to do, something God coded into that extra X chromosome. He created me knowing how to hold children as they cry, how to play with their hair as they go to sleep, how to smile at their sweet faces. He created me knowing.
It’s the feeling part that comes later. Isn’t that true?
I am asking because I haven’t experienced that part yet. I know how to rock a child, but not how it feels to see their sleepy eyes that are half mine. I know how to teach a child to tie his shoes, but not how much it hurts to see them trip and fall. I know how to tickle a baby’s belly, but not how it knocks you head over heels when you realize how much your baby looks like your husband.
I can’t wait.
Until that permanent “next time”, this is what I’d like to share with my future me, my mother me:
Don’t forget how much you wanted this, how God created you to do this. From what I’ve seen and heard from other mothers, it seems like every phase in your child’s life is the hardest and the easiest. Try to focus on the happy parts and complain as little as you can about the hard parts. When you feel like you’re in a rut, remember all the fun and creative things you wanted to experience with your children. Remember what Mom and Dad taught you and share those lessons with your kids. Take them to see your grandmother as much as you can. Make cookies with them and, at least one time, eat all the dough before any cookies are baked. Have fun. Pray more.
Remember you are blessed.
Love,
Jill
Dear Mother,
What a trip, this motherhood thing, full of twists and turns and band-aids. You don't know me an I don't know you, but what I know is that anyone who has loved a child with a mother's heart can understand my heart, because these days with 2 little ones in tow and contemplating the next one (or two), my heart is consistently guided by my love for my children.
There is so much that I want to teach my beautiful girls, so much I want them to understand about who they are, how very important they are, how deeply loved they are. Things that took me well into adulthood to understand. And I worry that with all the messages they are being sent through our over-sexualized, over-materialized, over-popularized culture, my much more simple, much more important messages won't get through.
But despite the upstream battle, I can't help but look at my girls and smile. Here is a 6 year old who has seen the poverty of Ethiopia, the broken and the starving as they beg on the side of the street, the mother holding the listless body of her malnourished child; here she is, upset that she doesn't get to eat McDonalds, in a typical child fashion. And yet, here she is, sorting through her Halloween candy, asking to send a large bag of it to the children she met in the Ethiopian orphanages. Here is a toddler, only 7 months ago malnourished, impoverished, without access to adequate health care. And yet, now she is here, chasing the cat and crunching autumn leaves under her sneaker-soled feet and jiggling thighs.
How resplendent is a child's heart! How quickly and easily they pick through life to find the gem among the ashes! How compassionate, and yet, how in need of reminding. Is it any wonder that we need to be reminded, too? To help us re-prioritize? How I hope to teach my girls to hold on to that ability- to find the sparkle and the glimmer in each of life's days, as dreary as they may be. How I hope to teach them to remember- to never forget what they have seen, and to never forget that they can change the picture that they will show their own children. I doubt my own ability to do this.
And then I see my fair-skinned, blue-eyed 6 year old protectively hug her molasses-skinned, midnight-eyed sister in a crowd of children who look at them with questioning eyes. And I know there is so little that I really need to teach them. Because God has given them the gift of each other. And they will teach each other more than I ever could.
Love,
Grace
http://allthesereasons.blogspot.com
Here is an excerpt of a Mother Letter I received via email. Enjoy, and for a full copy of this letter, make sure to get your submission in. Remember, everyone who submits before Christmas gets a full copy of the letters.
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Our son was born with a birth defect that affects his coordination. He has been in therapy for the last 2 years. The doctors weren’t sure if he would ever be able to walk unassisted. Well, a few months ago our little guy ditched his “buddy” as he affectionately called his rolling walker along with the braces on his feet.
Three weeks ago he taught me a lesson. Our family went to his first soccer practice. It is indoors on a smooth surface so we thought we would give it a try. He wanted to play so badly and even though I was convinced he would be banged up and run over, we signed him up. Did he keep up with the other kids? …not quite. Did he wipe out? …all the time. Did he get run over? …constantly. Did he love every minute of it? …yes! I’d never seen him so excited. He had the biggest smile plastered on his face and he just kept saying, “Watch Mom!” He was the biggest klutz out there but he didn’t care nor did he even notice. All I could do was cry and cheer.
...
Rebecca, a soon to be adoptive mother, sends this incredible Mother Letter to me today. She chose to write to the mother of her coming baby boy.
"Dear Mother,
You are not my mother. However, you are one of the most important mothers I know of. I regret that I will never really know you. I will know a big piece of you though. I will know you through our son. Through the son you have chosen to give life. Through this son, you have given us life. This precious sweet gift, Eli, our first child, is the child we have been praying for."
You'll get the full text if you submit your own letter.
Remember, you can submit your letter via comment, or email.
One of my favorite quotes is this: "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." Elizabeth Stone
As soon as I had my first child, I learned that as soon as that baby makes its appearance in the world you must start letting go. I remember being pregnant with both Grace and Aidan, and having that security knowing how safe they were inside of me. That bond that you have with that little one, the little kicks that only you can feel, the flips and the flops, the stomping on your bladder....I remember despite the joy of the moment of finally getting to hold the baby in my arms, being a little sad knowing that my child would never be so close and so safe inside me again. So in a way it was a bitter-sweet moment for me. Ironically enough, now it is Grace who cries at the mention of her growing up someday and being a mommy herself. She would be attached at the hip to me if that was possible. On the other hand, there is Aidan who at 2 1/2 years of age is the most independent little guy I have ever seen. He insists on doing everything himself. I am
constantly amazed at the differences between my two children. They are as different in personality as they are in their basic male/female distinctions. I am in constant wonder that these two came from the same parents.
Being a mom has taught me so much in the short 4 1/2 years that I have been at it. It has taught me that my heart is indeed capable of limitless love. While I was pregnant with Aidan, one of my greatest fears was that I would not be able to love a second child the way that I loved Grace. As soon as he came out, I felt that same love for Grace take root in my heart for Aidan. I am so in awe that we serve a God that is capable of supplying such an abundance of love in our hearts for our children. Another thing it has taught me is that each child is made by God with their own special personality, and it is my job to figure out what that personality is and how to nurture it. No child is the same and therefore cannot be treated exactly the same. For example, I must discipline Aidan (even though he is 2 years her junior) more harshly than Grace. He is the toughest little guy, both physically and mentally. If I look at Grace harshly, she is on the
floor crying. Ohhhh but not Aidan....and if you do not grab his attention he will back at it again, especially if he knows he is breaking the rules. They are day and night! But how precious that I get to experience such polar opposites.
I will leave you with this little story.....About 6 months after we moved here to Houston, I enrolled in a Bible study at my church. It was called, "Free to be a Godly Wife". And while I learned alot about being a godly wife during that time, something that the teacher said about being a mother has stuck with me more than anything else. She told a story about how many years ago when her children were very young she was out to lunch with a good friend of hers. This friend was older than she and her children were all grown up. My teacher told her friend how burnt out she was with her two little children and how tired she was of giving of herself for what seemed like all day, everyday. Her friend looked her in the eye and very sternly said, "Oh you have no idea what you are saying. I would give anything to be able to go back to that time when they needed me so much. You need to enjoy this time because it will quickly be gone." My heart was broken
after she finished. I was having the same exact feelings that my teacher was experiencing, as I was taking care of a 2 year old and a 5 month old at the time. Not to mention the fact that my husband was gone at least 75% of the time as he was in his first year of residency. The tears came and came as I realized what a precious gift I was squandering by being so selfish. I felt as if God were speaking directly to my heart in that moment. It is a moment that I try to go back to frequently even to this day. Because as human nature tends to do, I forget so quickly how richly I have been blessed. I know how difficult and un-glamorous being a mom can be as I am in the midst of it myself. Just remember on the hard days that God saw such potential in you to be a mom that He richly blessed you with 3 wonderful boys. And hang in there!
Have a blessed Christmas,
Annette
Dear Mother,
We are beings that will forever change the world. We come in all shapes and sizes. We have all lived different childhoods and experienced different things in life. We have all had dreams and goals each with different time-lines and outcomes. We have all experienced joy, pain, and sadness. We have given birth to a miracle created by the hand of God. Some have the physical scars as their rites of passage, others have the emotional scars that are etched into the soul forever. We have laughed from the depths of our souls, we have cried from the chasms of our sorrow. We have wished on birthday candles and shooting stars. We have wiped tear-filled eyes and bloody knees. We have kissed away the pain and bandages the scrapes. We feel their pain and pray for their souls. Who are we? We are mothers--past, present, and future. No matter where we are at this moment, whether our children are near or far away, we will always be...a mother. My journey of motherhood began much earlier than I had expected. I had completed my second year of college, and was planning on going overseas the next year to take part in a wonderful experience that would hopefully help me make my decision as to what and where my life was going next. I never got there.
There were circumstances and actions taken that summer that found me 20 years old, unmarried, and pregnant. I was scared, mad, unsure, and every other emotion in the book. But I knew at that moment, that my life was never going to be the same. It wasn't about me anymore. God had different plans for me. My daughter will be 10 years old this April and I, without a doubt, believe that she was my angel sent from Heaven to save me. She is my pride and joy and the light of my life. She has blessed my husband and I, and my family more than we could have ever imagined. She has a heart of gold and truly believes when she says "God knew you needed me then, Mommy, more than anyone else, so He sent me to you early." And she's right. I did need her. I needed God to show me that He was in control. She saved me. In every way possible. I am also a mother of a rambunctious 5 year old that keeps us in stitches everyday. Being a mother is a magical and miraculous gift given to us by God, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Watching a child learn about life and God is indescribable. To know that he has entrusted me with one of His own is humbling beyond words.
May God bless you and your sweet sweet family. May the memories you make each day, be held close to your hearts.
Wendy
Dear Mother,
Being a mother to someone requires patience, love, understanding, and
the realization that being a mother is not an easy task.
You have to be a comfortor, a booboo kisser, a tickler, a get the monster out of the closet exterminator, a bug squisher, a chef, a Martha Stewart clone, cool, a personal shopper, a chauffuer, and so many other things. You find yourself amazed at every aspect of your children, you will get tears in your eyes when their names are called at the school assembly, you will cry with them when they have to go to the ER because climbing trees all of a sudden looked like fun, you will love that playing with Barbies is still fun for you, you will take on every extra-ciricular activity you can because they want to, you will bandage thousands of skinned knees and papercuts, you will change a million diapers, you will wonder when you'll get to use the bathroom alone again!
Being a mother is a challenge, a hard one at times, but the rewards of hearing I love you Mommy fill your heart and touch your soul.
Love,
Jennifer
I believe someone once said that motherhood is the hardest job for which one never gets paid. But I believe that we do get paid. The currency is just a little different. Instead of dollars and cents, we receive hugs and kisses. In place of a bonus or raise, we get a cuddle, or an “I love you.” We don’t have a yearly review. Instead we get that warm fuzzy feeling when our child masters a skill, or does something to make us very proud. Unlike the stock-market, we invest in our children with our time, our teachings, and our love. And the return is ten-fold. The “boss,” or our children, may not notice our hard work. Yet we keep “clocking-in.” Why? Because this is the most important job that we will ever have. We may want to call in sick sometimes. But we won’t get fired. We won’t quit.
I think back to my outlook on life before I had children, and I have to laugh. I remember looking at other people’s children and saying to myself, “My children will NEVER act that way.” Motherhood is a wonderful journey of self-discovery. Suddenly responsible for the future of another’s soul, we must look deep into our own values and beliefs. We as mothers are very different, but we all share a common bond. The fight is not against one another. It is greater than that. So instead of judging each other’s practices, let us stand together and support each other. As in the workforce, the “presentation” may be great, but it may have come together after late nights, crumpled papers, and much frustration. We don’t know what is behind the smile of the mom we see at school, or church, or work. Let us not be afraid to offer a prayer, a hug, or a kind word. We all could use it!
When I stumbeled on this blog page, I don't know if I can articulate the emotions I feel still. I thought of my mother. We have had such an up and down relationship that has turned into something that far exceeds what I hoped for. I always thought that this kind of mother/daughter bond could only be achieved if I found my birth mother (who gave me up for adoption at birth) What a powerful and unique concept. So I spent the afternoon writing down my letter to my mother in my head. I am on the Board of Directors of several great non-profits and my paid day job is that of a Special Events Director so I believe with my whole heart in the necessity of giving, doing and loving those around you. And just recently it dawned on me that I get that from my parents. All the years I watched them give to various charities, working in the bus ministry at our church, just helping out whenever and however they could.
I had the honor and privalage of becoming a mommy WAY before I knew what I was doing (and long before I knew what a privalage and honor it is. At the time it got me kicked out and on welfare) but being a mommy turned out to be what defines me and what has shaped me into who I am today. I can better serve others in bad situations because I was once that girl myself. And the kind of mommy I am was formed in part by the mommy that I had growing up. And that woman was not the one that gave birth to me.
I have a deeper respect and love for my mom who for the longest time I could not stand. This is my letter to her.
Mom,
Having kids of my own has made me realize the true extent of how much you loved us. I struggled with that growing up. I knew that you loved us that was never in question, but I guess to what depths I never knew. I truly believe in my heart that you did not choose me but we were brought together by a plan bigger than we can ever fully comprehend. I got pregnant so easily I can't imagine being told I would never be able to have that experience. But you found me in spite of that. Mother connected with child. And you have always been an exceptional mother. Now I see that. You and Dad loved me as best you knew how. And some of that love had to be tough. You even learned that sometimes you have to agree to disagree (which we do quite often still) but I respect that you are just trying to follow your heart. And I know that you do the same for me. From cancer to now dieabetes you live in humor and grace. How many people can say their mother and father work together but I have never heard you curse or fight (with each other anyway) I always wondered how you stood each other, how you could'nt stand to be apart. That is just what a marriage is. You complete each other and I am honored to be your child. I said all that to say that I was paying attention and I get it now. I hope I can be half the mommy to my babies, that you have been to me.
Love,
Wendy
Dear Mother:
The hardest thing about my battle with cancer has been imagining leaving my kids behind. I have so loved being a mother and, admittedly, my 7 year old son and 5 year old daughter have become the focus of my life.
I became a mother a bit late, at age 36, and had by then an established life with a wonderful husband and a great career. Nothing could have prepared me for the joys that motherhood would bring to my life and for the way that it would shift my priorities upside down and righside up.
I can truly say that being a mother has made me into a better human being and has brought me much closer to my creator and savior. You can't gaze into your baby's eyes and not recognize the miracle of life.
So, when my doctor
said "metastatic cancer," my heart sank in agony, not only for what I was about to go through, but for what it meant for my children.
In that instant, I became acutely aware of all that I had taken for granted. I assumed that I would be there to see them grow up and achieve all the milestones that come with the process. I looked forward to witnessing their ongoing transformation into the wonderful adults I know they are going to become.
I also planned on being there to help every step of the way, understanding that gradually I would go from being indispensable to them to playing merely a supporting role. The idea that I would prematurely stop being their mommy was devastating and mind-boggling. It couldn't be. It shouldn't be. But, the reality was that my odds were against me.
So, I began to emotionally prepare myself for what seemed inevitable. I also made some preparations for the unthinkable. As a mom, my instinct was to leave everything prepared for my absence. This is, of course, an impossible task. I couldn't prepare for a lifetime of school lunches, soccer parties, college applications, first dates, weddings or baby showers. This was not simply going away for the weekend.
Instead, I had to look at the people in our lives who could be my surrogates. My kids are blessed with a wonderful Dad. It was the mommy part I was going to have to replace. Well, that is where God came through for us in a big way. He has surrounded us with wonderful friends and family (including our church family) to be there for my kids. He also has allowed us the miracle of a cure- yes, a cure! Approximately 6 wks after my diagnosis and following a series of chemo, the cancer was no longer detectable on my scans. Hallelujah! I can continue to be a mommy to my kids just a little bit longer. I can relax and enjoy the beauty of their smiles, the sound of their laughter and the tendernes of their touch. What a joy motherhood has been to me. I thank the Lord for every minute of it.
Dear Mother,
As I write this, I am pregnant with my first child -- a little boy we've decided to name Samuel -- and he's scheduled to arrive sometime in 5 to 8 weeks (or so).
During my pregnancy I have been watching. Observing mothers with their children -- moms at my church, moms at the grocery store, moms at the park. I am watching, because I am in awe. I am always so impressed by the love, dedication, and selflessness of every mom I watch. It makes me so excited to have my own little one, and it makes me pray that I can live up to their -- and your -- example.
I just want to encourage you, that when you are tempted to think that what you do doesn't matter much, it does. In addition to the eternal impact you have on your kids, you have impacted me, even though it is highly likely we've never met, just by your ability to love and nurture your children in that God-given way only mothers possess.
I watch you and other moms and I trust that my God-given ability to love and nurture my baby boy (and our other children someday, Lord willing) will come about the time he does.
Keep up the good work. You will reap a harvest someday.
Love,
Liss
Dear Mother,
As mommy to 3 young ones, I experience my fair share of long days, sleep deprived nights, and extreme frustration. It seems obvious to me that crayon belongs on paper, not the walls, and that you can only play with so many toys at one time. But in even the craziest of moments, when there is laundry piled to the ceiling, dishes stacked on every counter, toys strewn about the entire house, and it's only nine in the morning, I try to remember that I could have missed all of this, and I choose to smile.
I could have missed every moment since my first baby was born. The resident who delivered me could not figure out why I did not stop bleeding. I have a picture of me holding my baby, but I don't remember it. I only remember my legs feeling so tired and heavy as I drifted off to sleep with my ashen husband at my side holding our minutes old baby girl. I don't remember the more than twenty visitors who came into my room three hours later when the bleeding had become more managed, and I don't remember nursing my baby for the first time. I don't remember anything until she was fourteen hours old.
When she was seven weeks old, I nearly died of blood loss again. I faded away pleading with the doctor to please not remove my female organs; I was only twenty-three and we wanted so many children. The last words I remember were the doctor's: "You will die if I don't stop this bleeding."
Transfusions and the removal of a large piece of retained placenta saved my life, and my ability to bear children. And when our son was born via emergency C-Section nearly three years later, I only cared that he was healthy despite being breech and three weeks early. But it happened again, the bleeding would not stop. Again a transfusion saved my life, and the doctor recommended we have no more children. We sadly agreed, but sometimes God has other plans.
By His grace and the wisdom of my doctor, I safely carried and delivered our third blessing, without complication. And although we cannot have the five children we planned on, I am more than thankful for my three.
Tonight as I tucked my babies into bed, tripped over hot wheels, and folded laundry at midnight, I rejoiced over each peaceful face, each toy that we play with together, and each small piece of clothing that fits my small little joys. A tear slipped down my cheek as I remembered that all too realistically, I could have missed this all.
And I don't want to miss a thing.
Love,
Carlee
Dear Mother,
Here I am with two beautiful daughters (8 & 4). They are all I have ever really needed in life and I ironically didn't realize it until the day(s) they born. Each day that I devote myself to them by staying at home and rearing them, I hope that I am doing things the right way. And, many times I know that I am not. I hope that they are growing to be strong and independent women who can make smart decisions when life is tough. I hope that they will be good to other people even when others aren't good to them. I hope that they will be swallowed up in loving memories of a childhood spent with a mommy and a daddy who adore them.
As I hope these things for my girls, I try to reflect on what my parents have hoped for me. I know that they wished for me a life where I could make my own choices and be my own person in a world where life wants us all to conform. I have made some different choices when times were tough. The most important and difficult choice I have made in my life has been to be at home for my children. I knew that there would be sacrifices along the way, but I knew that leaving them behind would be the biggest sacrifice I could make and I wasn't willing to sacrifice my girls.
So, as I grow as a mom and learn I sometimes try to forgive my faults and learn to reflect the person I want my children to grow up being someday. I try to dismiss the guilt and embrace the pure love that my children see and reflect back on me.
Being a mom is the greatest joy. Embrace it. Nurture it. And love it.
Karol
Dear Mother,
What a life we live. You don't understand it until you are in the role and you wouldn't give it up for the world once you are there. You learn sacrifice, patience (maybe one day :), and unconditional love; each of which is a work in progress.
There are days that you think you cannot give any further of yourself. You are wrong. You find strength that you were not sure you had and make it through.
There are days that you couldn't smile any wider or laugh any hardier. Your children will remember these days. The good goes along with the bad and makes a beautiful picture.
Thank you Mother for all of your hard work and faithfulness. The seeds you plant and nurture today will grow and blossom into something incredible; something worth all of your time and effort.
In Him,
Sarah
Dear Mother,
What an honor it is to be called "mommy", "mom", or "mama". I cherish that name and it is my favorite title. Don't get me wrong there are times when I get tired of hearing it come out of one of my children for the 200th time in 1 minute, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
When I found out that I was going to be a mommy I was scared and excited all at once. Scared of the unkowns that come with pregnancy and birth. Scared that I was not going to do things right and somehow mess things up. Then my little boy was born and one look in that little face and I knew it would all be ok.
Then we found out he was going to have some delays. Not sure why, but he was not talking on schedule. Then he started other quirky things. Again fears came into place and I was worried that I would do something wrong.
Here we are 4 years later and so far everyone tells me I am doing stuff right. I don't always feel that way, but we take it one day at a time.
Of course when my little girl was born, those same fears resurfaced as before. Again with one look in her little face I knew we would be ok. I was more relaxed and less anxious. I do watch her everyday for signs of delays or issues, but I think we are crossing over that bridge quickly and I will soon worry less over that.
I think that if we can all remeber that we have the best job in the world, the coolest title on earth, and the best gifts that life can bring, then we will all be a little happier. Life as mom can be more stressful then any other occupation, but also the most rewarding.
"God could not be everywhere, and therefore he created mothers."
Jewish Proverb
Merry Christmas!
Sarah
Dear Mother,
I am the mother of 3 grown daughters 26,24,21. It doesn't seem possible that they are this age now. For years I felt like I was trapped with pre-schoolers in a cage I would never get out of... The responsibilities, demands and fatigue. But strangely enough I don't remember those times. I am left instead with an over-flowing cup of good memories. Not perfect ones but good ones.
It is really confusing and at times strange the feelings we have when we are in the throws of raising children. I think that comes from a combination of our personal expectations along with the crazy messages the world is constantly bombarding us with.
Staying in God's Word through a daily Quiet Time and being involved in a bible study with other women was key to my motherhood "success". Proverbs 14v1 says The wise woman builds her house but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down". I needed to learn how to build my house and not use my own hands to tear it down. God's word and other godly women helped me do that. If you make your home your focus these "few" years you will reap a beautiful harvest.
This formula helped me to build and not tear down.
F- aithfully pray for each family member.
O- rganize the home so each member can function to their full potential.
C- reate an atmosphere that is peaceful & pleasant to the eye.
U- se every opportunity to teach God's principles and tell of his goodness.
S-pend time together on task as well as having fun.
I know God will bless your role as a mother as you focus on Him and lean on His wisdom and strength. He is right by your side.
You have a wonderful hubby who is there to encourage you too and that is a great blessing!
Love, An Older Mom
Dear Mother,
I became a mother when I was young. I was only 19, unmarried. A few years later I found myself in the same predicament. Although my children made me happier than I could express, I was upset with myself. I was making choices that I knew weren't right for the person I wanted to become. One day, I looked in the mirror. And by looking in the mirror I was really looking for God. And I found Him. And He hasn't failed me yet. I rely on Him to be the one to show me the way when it's so obvious that I don't know what I'm doing. When I mess up, I know that He's there to catch my fall, to hold me. God does amazing things to those that reach for Him. All of the heartbreak of just a few short years ago is erased from my mind. Although there are still troubled waters every once in a while, God has blessed me more abundantly than I ever would have believed when I was 19. I'm married. My oldest daughter is 5. My youngest is 3. There is no drama. We drive a minivan (;-D)... God is good. If there is only one word I could share with you, it would be this: Trust.
Merry Christmas,
Pennie
Dear Mother,
I started out as a woman who didn’t want to be married and definitely didn’t want any children. My childhood was full of disappointments and pain and I never want anyone else to ever go through that. Wow did the Lord change that. I met my husband when I was 16 years old, we dated sever times but two months after I was 18, we got serious. By the last time we dated, he had a child that was just a year old. So here I am with a man that has a kid and I was so excited to get to know this little boy. We dated him for a little while, I then got pregnant and we got married. So at age 19, I have two children and a husband. The Lord sure didn’t agree with me and my plans. I was a freshman in college and worked full time while trying to figure out how to raise a family. Life was hard but I did everything I could to get through school. Now, I have a degree and three wonderful children and the best Godly husband that I could have ever ask for. I have to say the future that I wanted to have in High School could never be as great as the future that God has now given me.
My children have taught me to love, forgive, cherish the day, run, play, be me, and so much more. These things that the world as a whole despises an adult to enjoy. Why, I ask myself. Because they are jealous, that is the answer I believe. The world wants all these things but they do not know how to get it. I have the answer. Be a mother and wife that is rooted in the Lord and you will be happier than you could ever imagine. Yes, it will be hard at time but that child’s smile is wonderful, the words, “Mommy, I could hug you all night long” or “I love hugging my Mommy”. These are things that melt all worries and anxiety away.
The job as a mother is the most important job ever. Scripture tells us how to raise our children and the importance of our job. If you ever question yourself, run to the Lord. Children look to their parents for so much. Money, gifts, and junk is not what they want. They want you. They want your attention, your time, your adoration, your correction. Yes, they want your discipline. These children look to you to prepare them to teach them about God and the world. They look to your for protect and honest in all things. They look to you to see how you act in situation. Parents are the MOST important things in a child’s life.
These are hard shoes to fill and frustrating at times. I agree and completely understand. I though remind myself. We ONLY get 18 years to do the best we can to teach these kids what is important, what they need to know to live forever and what true happiness it. After that we can only sit back and watch what we have taught them. So go to the Lord. Let the Lord teach you how to raise your children and how to live your life. He knows and controls everything; let Him without struggle do it here too. Be a mother and wife and enjoy every single minute of it, even when cleaning up puck. They are Gods little gifts to us and the world.
The best advice, I can give any mother at any stage is to remember we are Gods ambassadors to our children until they are 18 years old.
Congrats on being a Mother and having a great husband,
Sarah
Dear Mother,
I dreamed, wished, longed and prayed for these days to be here. I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a stay at home mom. I have finally arrived. Once I got to this blissful place, I looked around and wondered what was next. I have two of the most beautiful boys. What more could I want? More children, not right now. Go back to work, HECK no! So what do you do? What has my life become? Days of picking up cheerios off the floor, wiping snotty noses and collapsing on the couch at 9 with my husband... I want more. What do you do when you want more out of life, but in the same way, you're content with your life... you don't want to go adding drama and disruptions, because you're bored. I don't even think I was bored... just wondered what was next. Life was finally slowing down. The baby was growing up. I had survived a toddler and a baby and we were all ok.
My solution to the mommy-sorta-kinda-blues was to get out of the house. I became more involved in MOPS, I joined Bible Study fellowship, decided to go on Mom's night outs, date nights with Hubbie and just a few hours here and there away from the family. This was a way for me for me to be encouraged, my Spirit to grow, use my talents for God and to have come company during those long days! I am so very thankful that I have the ability to stay at home and don't have to go back to work.
I love this life we've been given. I wouldn't trade it for the world and I am enjoying life's slow pace that we're going on!
Dear Mother,
I am a mother of 2, a 6 year old, and a 5 month old. Let me tell you my hands are full. But they are filled with love.
I never knew that being a mother would be so fulfilling, so rewarding, with tears of joy, but also tears of worry.
I often worry about "How can I protect my babies?" But as a mother we can not be everywhere at once, our children will fall, they will cry, they will hurt. We will be there when they need us, we will even be there when they don't. But in the end we will be there.
I often try to find the balance between being the best mother to both of my girls, sometimes it seems impossible, but most times I feel "I can do this"
Woman to woman, mother to mother, we were made for this, we were made to be nurturing. We were made to care and protect our offspring.
Love, Kristen
http://momof2girls.wordpress.com
kristendiness@gmail.com
Dear Mother,
Merry Christmas! I'm sitting here writing this letter to a woman I've never met and hoping that this letter somehow encourages her and me while I'm writing it. It's not yet Thanksgiving and I'm surrounded by boxes. My husband just a got a new job and I'm here packing and getting ready for a move over 1000 miles away with four children 6 and under.
Even in the midst of the insanity I can see how God has led me to a point of relying on Him for everything. Last Christmas was almost missed by our family. Our youngest son, Little Grasshopper, was born in August 07, full term and healthy. Suddenly on Dec 1 we were in an ambulance on the way to the children's hospital. He had croup and it was very serious. Seven days later I watched as they put a breathing tube and a feeding tube in. I wondered where God was. It was just croup. I sat alone for days there in the hospital. I was an hour and a half from home. My husband and I only have 1 vehicle. I couldn't understand why the doctors gave me so many different reports. Many times I sat there asking God what he was doing. Being in a Pediatric ICU isn't fun. The nurses knew we'd get to take him home it was just a matter of when. I felt almost guilty that my son was just having breathing problems and his life wasn't hanging in the balance. I made friends with a couple women who's babies were the same age as Grasshopper. Their babies were sick and it was only a matter of time. I watched as both left the hospital empty handed and wrapped in grief. I cried out saying God why is this happening. I don't know that I really got an answer. We were able to bring Grasshopper home the day before Christmas eve. I felt like I had missed it all. But we were all together for the important part. It was so special to be together when I had been planning for 21 days to not be able to be with my other children.
I don't always understand where God is taking me. And I know that the dark places will have moments of light. I'm remembering those days now and the multiple hospital stays since and I thank God that he has provided a better climate for our children. That he is leading us into a place of light when there's been so much darkness. I pray that these letters bring encouragement to you on days that you just think you're going to go crazy. Be thankful that your "crazy ones" are home with you and healthy. And say a pray for the moms who aren't sure it they are going to get those "crazy" moments. Merry Chistmas.
Love,
Mom in N.C.
Dear Mother,
Life sometimes seems to get away from us and we forget to take time to sit and enjoy these moments. To live in today.
I know, I know, the laundry and the dishes and the cleaning and feeding all need to be done, but remember to enjoy each day to it's fullest and take time to enjoy the people you have in your life now.
Everyone warns us to remember all the firsts ... the first tooth, the first smile, the first giggle, even the first potty on the toilet, but what people fail tomention is you need to remember all the "lasts" too. The last time he wants nurse, the last time he wants a bottle, the last time he will kiss you on the lips (one of my boys refused kissing altogether at 4 years old. FOUR!), the last time you need to change a diaper. Those are all important things to remember too.
Some days are so hard and others are the greatest blessing and treasure! Try to forget the bad and know that there will always be a "treasure" day ahead.
Don't be hard on yourself when you can't get it all done today. Pick your battles. Set priorities (keeping in mind that the "lasts" are sure to come so make the kids a priority over laundry and dishes once in a while)
Remember to say I love you and I'm sorry often.
Now, go hug everyone and smile!
Love,
Nikke
Dear Mother,
There will be days that feel like Christmas morning- when you wake up and look at your sweet child and feel so incredibly blessed and lucky. Amazed that you get to be their Mom. Like opening a new package each time.
There will be nights when you check on them while they are sleeping and you'll want to wake them and kiss them and tell them you're sorry. For how the day went, for how you snapped or didn't have patience or pay enough attention.
There will be heartaches that will only draw you closer. There will be hard times that make the good times shine so bright.
And there will be love. Lots and lots of love.
There will be so many times you feel like you've failed. But in the eyes, heart, and mind of your child you ARE Super Mom. You are their world. And you are doing a fabulous job.
Love,
Stephanie Precourt
Dear Mother,
I'm not very eloquent with words and I don't have any tearjerker stories, but I thought I'd add my two cents worth anyway.
You are doing the most important job in the world. Love on your kids every day. It's ok to get away from your kids every once in a while. When you do, let Dad do things his way. Don't be afraid to apologize to your kids when you mess up. They are going to grow up very fast. Take lots of pictures. When you are in a tough situation with your child that you think will never end, it will and you will love him/her even more when you come through it. Go give your kids a hug and kiss right now. You won't regret it.
Love,
Robin
Dear Mother,
Just a couple of things --
1. A moment is only a moment long. It is not an hour, or a day, or a year. It is a moment. You can take joy and comfort in this knowledge.
2. You're going to feel this way until you don't feel this way anymore. No amount of wishing or expecting yourself not to feel this way will change it. So accept it, wallow in it a little, enjoy it if it's good, cry if necessary, and immerse yourself in it. It will be gone before you know it.
3. Do the crazy thing. It's usually a funny memory later and certainly lightens the current air. Feed the kids candy for dinner. Feed them on the floor. Have a flour fight. All messes will wait for you patiently until the fun is done. And it's always worth it.
xox
Dear Mother,
First of all, go hug that thoughtful husband of yours!!! It's really wonderful to see that there are couples in love even after the honeymoon has ended. My husband and I will have celebrated our 12th anniversary by the time you read this, and while there have been some really rough times, I love him more than the day we got married.
I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom. My extended family was very disappointed when I dropped out of college to get married. Education was top priority in their minds. My husband and I thought that after two years of marriage it would be a good time to start a family. It ended up taking us two years to get pregnant. Every month that went by was agony for me. My friends didn't understand, most of them were still not married. (We got married pretty young.) My husband tried to understand as best as he could, but he didn't feel the pain like I did.
Just as I was about to go to the doctor to see what the problem was I got pregnant!!! It was the best day. My pregnancy wasn't easy, I had pre-eclampsia and was on bed rest. I didn't care though, the baby was healthy and that was all that mattered to me. We had a beautiful baby boy and he is now 7 years old. He is my joy.
After two more years we decided to try again. By then I had been diagnosed with PCOS. I don't have a lot of severe symptoms, so we thought that I would be able to get pregnant on my own again. Once again, month after month after month went by. Every negative pregnancy test broke my heart. I felt guilty for being so devastated. After all, God had given me a wonderful boy already. I knew that there were women who desperately wanted to be able to have even one. We decided to try fertility and I went on Clomid. Nothing happened. I tried every vitamin, every homeopathic thing that I heard of...nothing. Four years of nothing. We prayed every night, others joined us in prayer...still nothing. We decided to try Clomid one more time. If nothing happened we would just enjoy being a family of three.
The first month on Clomid I got pregnant!!! The second pregnancy was so much easier than the first. We now have another boy! He will have turned one by the time you read this. The boys are six years apart, but best friends. My eldest is such a wonderful big brother. He prayed for a baby brother for three years. The baby keeps me on my toes! He is so much more mischievous than my first. He also lights my life with just one smile.
God has allowed me to go through various health issues, agoraphobia, panic and anxiety attacks, SEVERE postpartum depression, and a very colicky baby. I wouldn't trade it for the world, though. He has given me the strength to go through it all, and in the end I have two beautiful boys to show for it.
Now, don't get me wrong, I have days where I am pulling my hair out!!! Being a mom is not all flowers and sunshine. It's the hardest thing that I have ever done. It is also the most rewarding. We are even thinking about another one in a year or two!
As you enjoy your family this Christmas season remember all of the wonderful gifts that God has given you. It sounds like you have a wonderful husband who loves you very much. You also know what it is to have the unconditional love of a child. We all take so many things for granted. I plan on spending a lot of time this season to rejoice in what God has blessed me with.
With a mommy's love,
Andrea
Dear mother,
I just read in an article, that even though our children are separated from the umbilical cord at birth, they are forever connected to our heart strings. I know this is true. My three sons are men now and yet they are still a part of me...and always will be. Does that mean it's been a journey without it's hardships and pain?? No, but the joys seem to always erase them, just like the pain of child-birth becomes a distant memory.
This letter is not one to share my personal story, nor to tell you how wonderful it is to be a Mother....you are already a Mom, so you know....and my personal story would fill volumes...no, this letter is to let you know that we are part of a many-membered exclusive sisterhood....that is called Motherhood. We are not alone! We all share moments of joy, pain, embarrassment, sour clothes, lost binkies, sleep deprivation,teen rebellion, just to name a few.
My wish for you this Christmas is to drink in the moments. Just sit back and savor each child and the memory of this family time. If I could give you just one piece of advice, it would be to consciously take in each tiny detail, for you will never capture that moment again.
When Jesus hung out with the teachers in the Jerusalem temple and his parents finally found Jesus,and Jesus remarked that He was about His Father's business... Mary "held these things dearly, deep within herself" They had lost Jesus and had the fright of their lives! Jesus returned to Nazareth and lived obediently with his parents....and Mary "held these things dearly"
Have a blessed Christmas with the joy of your family close by your side.
Love, Faye
Dear Mother,
Never did I imagine when I thought about raising kids, did I think I would be doing it alone. Sometimes I feel like I need to apologize for the man that I put all faith into for him to only turn and walk away from us. Now you are helping raise children all over again: mine.
However, I would not be as strong as I am without your loving example. I can only hope to be half the mother you always were.
In deepest love,
Mandy
Dear Mother,
Thank you for taking on the toughest job in the world. I know you probably here that a lot, but it is true. What other job is 24/7, 365 days a years for the rest of your life? It can be SOOOO hard sometimes, but remember our children are the greatest gift we have ever been given and they in return can give great gifts to humanity.
I have found it helps to think about the future. What do you want your kids to remember about you when they are older? I want mine to remember a house full of laughter, fun,good times, and mostly a house full of Jesus. I try to make my house those things daily. Yes, they may also remember too much undone laundry, and a messy house, but hopefully they will be fond memories. I told a friend today that if I can make it through the day and my kids know how much I love them, and I haven't yelled at them I consider it a successful day! Keep up the great work, and remember to take it a day at a time.
love,
Janet
Dear Mama,
For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be a mom. When I was a teenager, I carried around a baby name book (dreaming of the children I'd have one day and what I would name them). It's funny now as I look back, I knew I would have more than one child.
I wanted a little boy so badly, and I knew he would be named Gavin if I ever had him. God is so giving. My first baby was a sweet boy and we named him Gavin. He was a beautiful baby and we showered him with love and adoration. We have always called him Sweetboy (because that describes him) he is very kind and compassionate. He is also a strong leader, a wonderful first-born trait.
Our second baby was a girl, a big fat rolly-polly girl. Allyanne was born on St. Patrick's Day and weighed 9lbs. 6 1/4oz. She looked very similar to Gavin but had that strong willed personality and bossy-ness that only a Miss Priss girl could have. She was precious!
Only 18 months later we would be blessed with our surprise baby, Gates. She was born in November and didn't look like anyone we knew. We fell in love with her and decided that three was enough!
I knew how important it was to be the one at home with my kids day in and day out. We prayed hard for God to work it out so I could stay home and He did. Each day was filled with the regular "mom"
jobs that seem to overwhelm us most. I made several goals for myself. One: To teach my children about God. Who he is, How He feels about them, What He desires of them, and how to love and obey Him. Two: To teach my children to love and respect other's. I knew that I wanted them to be treated that way....so I spent many hours instilling this into each one of them. Three: To teach them to be caring and compassionate. In a house full of preschoolers this one was practiced daily. Four: To teach them obedience. Not just to their dad and I, but to all authority and mostly God.
Today, my kids are teenagers. Sweetboy is 18 years old and a senior in high school. His reputation never fails to amaze me. I never tire of hearing the endearing compliments when someone finds out I'm his mom. He has become an amazing young man and has high goals set for his future. We are so proud of him and for the love he has for God and other's.
Miss Priss, Allyanne is 15 and a sophmore in high school. She is so beautiful inside and out. She has a love for missions and has gone on several trips. We stand in awe at her and the boundaries that she has placed on herself. She and her sister are best friends and have many of the same people as friends. Both sing and dance for their school choirs.
Gates is 14 and an 8th grader in Middle School. She is a strong leader and has a passion for anyone without Christ. She loves to cook and make people happy. Someday she will be a wonderful mother. Her heart is made of gold.
I know this may sound crazy. But putting up with all the craziness when they are little really is important. The people you want them to be in the future....really comes from you. What you invest in them will eventually show itself in who they become. I knew that my end result was very important. So I stuck with it; disciplining when necessary, loving on them unconditionally, training them right from wrong, practicing respect to their dad in front of them, honoring laws and authority and holding them accountable for their actions. I have also prayed for them and with them daily.
I reflect back to those early days and miss them. My heart feels so full knowing that I have been a part of raising responsible and awesome people. I consider it my privilege to have been picked to be their mom.
I want to be the mom God expects as long as he allows. I feel mixed emotions regarding the next phase of my life. But I know they are ready even if I'm not. Each will be dedicated and loving spouses someday.
I wouldn't trade one day of mothering for a lifetime of career success. This has truly been my calling. I am forever grateful to God for allowing my dream of being a mother come true.
On the days when you feel like nothing is going right and is this worth it? Let me assure you, it is. Don't sweat the small stuff, focus on the here and now and show your love constantly. Someday you'll look back and be glad you did. They will grow faster than you think. Oh and smile and laugh every chance you get. Kids love happy parents. It gives them confidence and assurance in so many ways.
I'll end with this. Be real to your kids. Don't be sweet and nice to other people and a total nightmare to your family. Treat them with honor and love. If you love God and live by his standards do it outloud in front of them and the world. Don't waiver or compromise, ever! No one will know you're a fake better than your kids. If you think it doesn't affect them if they see you sin or hear you lie, you are very mistaken. Be a good example of what is right. This too will come back on you someday.
Love,
Wanda
Dear Mother,
I am sorry that I never had a chance to tell you how much I love you. I guess you knew- you were my mom- you knew everything. But, I was a typical teenager. I was convinced my mom hated me and didn't understand me. I wish we could be together now. I was too young to lose you. Now that I have two daughters of my own I realize how wonderful you were. I sit and rock my daughters and understand what you felt. I now know that you loved me. I am so sorry that you are gone. I miss you so much. I hope I will be half as good as a mother as you were.
P.S. Your wish (or curse) came true. I did have a daughter and she is just like me. I hope she knows how much I love her.
Lisa
I'm advertising this on both my blogs, http:dianalovestowrite.blogspot.com and http://depriestdays.blogspot.com.
I really hope it helps, and I plan to get my letter written really soon! This is AWESOME! Major hubby gold stars!
Dear Mama,
I sit here writing you, two days without a shower, spit up on my sweatshirt, not a pretty picture. And I look over at my son, all pink-cheeked and scubbed - perfect. And this is the only way I'd have it. He will have the very best of me. He is the very best thing I have ever done, and I will go to the ends of the earth for him. I will care for him, teach him to be loving, compassionate, a gentleman. I owe him that.
As a mother, I know you do the same. We have been entrusted with the MOST important job. Treasure it, nurture it. Remember, there will always be those days where personal hygiene, well balanced meals and sanity go to the wayside in honor of our children. But in the end, we will not remember these discomforts, we will close our eyes and see the toothless smiles, hear the uproarious belly laugh, feel the soft caress of a dimpled hand on our face.
You are amazing, mama!
Love,
Heather
http://thesassymama.blogspot.com
Dear Mother,
I am an American mom in Africa, where every day I am reminded of how blessed I am. AIDS is wiping out entire communities, and orphans are struggling to survive and make sense of things. Across the border in Zimbabwe, people are starving while grocery stores and hospitals are shutting down.
And yet there is joy here. I love watching my baby play in the rock pile with the village kids, pouring the rocks into ripped plastic bags and then out again. I love watching her stir up mud concoctions and squeal with delight at gecko antics.
The joy is in the simple things. Not in the the glitzy shopping malls and flashing toys.
As a mom, be thankful for the big things. Access to quality medical care, a budget that more than adequately provides for your nutritional needs, and hot running water every morning.
But be thankful for the simple things, too. Learn from your children in this. And you will find joy beyond measure in your role as a mother.
Another mother
Dear Mother,
One piece of wisdom I got from my mother in law, that she got from her mother in law, is this:
"The hardest thing in the world is to tell your child no. The most important thing in the world is to tell your child no."
I have hit that time with my toddler-when I want so badly to give him everything he wants, and since we have the money to do it, (the temptation is especially hard to fight) but as I follow the advice, and say no, I realize I am teaching my son a far better lesson than just patience. I am teaching him that not everything will go his way all the time, and he must learn to accept that. Because someday, he will be a man, and I certainly don't want to raise a man who thinks he should get everything he wants when he wants it; it would be a disservice to him and to me to allow him to grow up thinking that way.
And so, I follow the advice, and say no to things, knowing those tears and tantrums now will make him a better man, later.
Love,
Miche
Hi there....wanted to let you know that you are now on my blog....I have some friends who have mentioned checking your site out! I hope that you get tons more letters!!!!! you can check it out at
<4menandamom.blogspot.com>
Dear Mother,
>I'm invisible.
>
>It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one
of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken
to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously
not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or
even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm
invisible.
>
>Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you
tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a
human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to
answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around
5:30, please." I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and
the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but
now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's
going, she's going, she's gone!
>
>One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend
from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was
going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking
around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and
feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only
thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana
clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling
pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package,
and said, "I brought you this."
>
>It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why
she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with
admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."
>
>In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover
what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern
my work. No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of
their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never
see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of
their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
>
>A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the
cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on
the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so
much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one
will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."
>
>I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as
if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you
make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've
done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for Me to
notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see
right now what it will become."
>
>At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease
that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own
self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the
right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who
show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that
their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that
no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few
people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
>
>When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's
bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning
and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and
presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a
monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is
anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."
>
>As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing
it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only
at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the
sacrifices of invisible women.
>
>Great Job, MOM
Karen
Hi-What a wonderful idea! I'm not sure if my letter will be relevant but I felt called to share my experience with my first daughter. I sent it to you via email and also posted it on my blog here:
http://lifeisnotacereal.blogspot.com/2008/11/my-open-letter-to-any-mother.html
Dear Mother,
Today was so much fun. With three children 5 and under, you can imagine how much fun each and every day is, but of course some are more fun than others. Often because some days the kids are more helpful than they are on others. And really, who could possibly make dinner without the help of a 3 year old? Or clean up a playroom without a toddler following right behind you - 'helping', of course.
Today was especially fun because it involved a trip to the store. A trip to the store to pick up 3 - exactly 3 - items. A trip to the store which took an hour and 20 minutes, in which time I said 'no' roughly 397 times, followed very closely by the ever popular 'stop it', 'put that down', 'don't touch anything', and (my personal favorite) - 'Mommy's going to cry'. By the time we reached the checkout - self-checkout of course, so the kids could 'help'...mommy really was about to cry. At which point the 3 year old whined "Can we pleeease go? I need a drink!" noyoudidnotjustsaythatareyoukiddingme? "Um... yeah honey, Mommy needs a drink too."
Trip home ("I wanna listen to High School Musical"), rush through dinner, rush to bed, rush through prayers. Now that's a proud moment right there, rushing young impressionable minds through their prayers. Way to go mom. So now on top of exhaustion and frustration, I can add guilt to my plate for the night. Brilliant.
Go downstairs, pick up toys, clean up dinner, occasionally yell vague threats up the stairs - "You'd better stop talking and go to sleep or else you'll be in big trouble young lady!" Finally finished and alone - ah, the solitude. The peace. The quiet. 8:30 on a Friday night and I'm exhausted, ready for bed. I bask in that for a few minutes.
And then I feel lonely.
I miss them.
They look like such angels when they sleep. Nothing in the world could be more beautiful than the site of your own sleeping child.
Days like this are part of motherhood - a right of passage. And I am grateful to the core of my being that I get to experience these exhausting, patience-trying moments. I adore my carpool minivan and my mom uniform (sweats) and my forever ponytailed hair. They are my status symbols. That van shouts to the world that I have arrived, and I am exactly where I want to be.
On your most trying, most exhausting days, may you always have the minivan of your dreams to remind you that it's all temporary, that dreams do come true, and that God does answer prayers. It's not always easy, but it is always worth it.
Here's to you mom, for making the world a better place, one baby at a time.
Love, Heather
PS) A glass of wine now and then helps, too. ;)
Dear Mother,
You gave birth to me 36 years ago. I always knew you loved me. Maybe my memory sugar coats the way things really were, but it doesn't matter. In my mind, you were and are the perfect mother and I am so lucky to have you.
You were abundant with your hugs and kisses, you never chose a favorite kid (although I am fairly certain it was me!), you taught me so many things. You were/are an example of love, kindness, tolerance, patience, generosity, and goodness. You instilled in me a love for reading, anything and everything I can get my hands on. I vividly remember our Monday evening trips to the library. You taught me how to bake and were so patient with me in the kitchen. You gave so much of your time being my Girl Scout leader and the "Cookie Mom". You drove me to endless swim lessons and then to synchronized swim team practices. Later, it was track and field competitions in junior high school, then all things band-related in high school. I don't remember ever eating out- I do believe we ate at home for the majority of my growing up years. You told me "that I could be anything I wanted to be when I grew up". You always told me how beautiful I was, and smart, and a bunch of other adjectives. You gave a healthy dose of self-esteem. As I grew up, I knew I could count on you.
I never really understood how much you must love me and my siblings until I had children of my own. Now I get it. Now I understand how much you love me. Because I know how much I love my children. Now I know how much I will love them, no matter how old they are. My heart sometimes feels like it could burst with that love, even on the "tough" days.
Now, I get to share my children with you, their Grandma. And watch all over again, that uncondtional love blossom.
You are a wonderful mother, Mom. I love you so very much.
Dear Mother,
I am blessed to be a mom to three boys, now ages 23, 21, and 8. Yes. Eight. And because of the gap in their ages, I have a unique perspective: I see my boys becoming men, and my little boy ... becoming.
I have learned to treasure the little moments. People used to tell me that they would grow up so fast, but because I was in the daily grind of raising young sons, it was hard for me to imagine. Then the day came when the big boys' rooms were empty. Things that I never knew would mean that much are now moments that I hold in my heart, because I know that they fly by so quickly.
I find myself amazed by my children, how alike they are, even though their stages in life are so different. I thank God daily for the privilege of being their mom, although with each new day comes new challenges.
As a mother, we know with our brains that we are raising our children to be grown-ups... that they will one day be separate from us, and on their own. But when the reality of it comes, it still catches us by surprise. So each day, choose to enjoy the moment, knowing that these memories are the treasures of our lives!
With love from one Mom to another,
Angela
Dear Mother,
Half of the people on the planet become Mothers. I am continually amazed that something so common as having a child can be one of the most unique experiences a person can have. Every Mother has her own special story and her own special child(ren). I have two special blessings with me today. The older daughter is three, the younger is four months. I have three angels that never made it into my arms. Each one is as much of a blessing as the others. But I am not writing to tell a sad story. This is a continually evolving letter that shares the “I want . . . .” out of my life. I started writing about things I’ve learned, but changed into an “I want . . . .” stream of consciousness.
The days go by slowly, but the years fly by in an instant. It’s the little, everyday things that I want to remember about my daughters. Here is my list.
I want to always remember the way my baby smiles at her Dad every time she sees him.
I want to remember the way my daughter holds her hand, palm up, when she’s telling me something.
I want to remember the first time my daughter said “kitty” when she saw the lion at the zoo.
I want to remember the way my daughter looked at her brownie the other night with her enormous blue eyes.
I want to remember how my babies felt the first time I held them, all warm and slimy.
I want to remember my daughter walking on the balance beam.
I want to remember my daughters’ laughs.
I want to remember the look on my daughter’s face when she looks up at me while eating and miles.
I want to remember the feeling of sleeping with my baby cuddled next to me.
I want to remember the “I wuv you.”
I want my daughters to always feel loved, by others and their own selves.
I want my daughters to be themselves, rising above society’s image of a “perfect woman”.
I want my daughters to become Mothers and love their children as I love them.
I want my daughters to find warm, caring husbands to spend the rest of their lives with.
I want my daughters to be active, interested, and curious.
I want my daughters to be giving – of their time, talents, and self.
I want to be someone my daughters are proud of.
I want to be more patient with my children.
I want to be the type of person my daughters want to be friends with.
I want to make an effort to teach each daughter something new everyday.
I want to hold on to my babies, keep them close, and never let them go.
This listed could be a thousand times longer than it is. I wonder if all Mother’s want the same basic things even though our experiences are unique. I love the idea of these letters and am thankful to be apart of the project.
Merry Christmas.
Elizabeth
Dear Mother,
I have been given 4 precious gifts. They are 6, 3, 1 and 4 months. Soon to be 7, 4, 2 and 5 months. Wow. They are the greatest blessing in my life. The greatest gift. I can hardly believe God gave them to me. To ME! I am so unworthy. Thank you God.
Honestly, I don't have a clue what I'm doing most of the time. I really don't. I have so many questions and so few answers. I have no one to talk to, because no one really seems to understand the goals I'm wanting to accomplish in my mothering, not even me half of the time. I question myself all of the time. We do things differently than "most" just by homeschooling, for one. I know I want to do things differently than how I was raised, but are we doing it right? Does that question reverberate in every other mother's mind? "Am I doing this right?" The constant question on my mind is- "am I doing right by my children?" I feel the responsibility, the weight of my mothering, in every fiber of my being.
When I choose to turn to God, which I should be doing much more often, He gives me so much wisdom. Not long ago He gave me 3 words. Love, Joy, Peace. Focus on these 3 things, He said. So I try. That is my goal. Cultivate, encourage, BE love, joy, and peace to my children. I have to remind myself of this often. My burden is so heavy, so very heavy, while His is so light. Love, Joy, and Peace. That sounds easy enough. Almost fun even.
Being a mother to my children is the hardest, the most worthy, the most amazing thing I've ever done. God help me, God help all of us.
Love, Kristi
Dear Mother,
As a young, ambitious and selfish woman I never wanted to put anyone before myself. I never wanted to have to share or compromise. I never wanted to have to plan or give up being spontaneous. Quite frankly I never wanted to be a mother.
At 24 my 1st marriage ended and some months later I met my now husband. He came as a package with two small boys (4,2) and an ex-wife who is the worst mother I have had the misfortune to meet. Suddenly, all of the things I'd never wanted where there on a plate - for me to take or tip away. I chose to take them.
As the days turned into weeks, then months, then years I realised that being a mother meant all and none of the things that I feared. We had the boys live with us 50% of the time and for 50% of my time I was a great mum, for the other 50% I was still young, ambitious and selfish. Not ideal, but it worked.
In 2003 we started trying for a baby to extend our family and after several miscarriages and the heartache that no woman should have to endure I finally carried a baby full term. Although I would never chose to go through the pain of trying to concieve and infertility, I can honestly say it did make me realise just how much I wanted to have a child and be a mother. I also made some amazing friends along the way, who still support me in my journey being a mother!
In 2005 I gave birth to my eldest daughter, thinking I was prepared for what lay ahead - I couldn't have been more wrong. Why I thought being a 50% mum would prepare me for being a 100% mum I will never know! The first few months were tough, I'm not afraid to say that I struggled - often - but we got through it, together. As my daughter grew and developed into her own little self I began to see what being a mother is all about. In 2007 I gave birth to my second daughter and things were so much better this time round. I didn't expect it all to be rosy and I was prepared for the pitfalls!!
In the early days I thought that being a step-mum really didn't prepare me for being a mum. People always told me that I may have loved the boys, but when I had my own children I would love them more. Honestly?
Yes, having the girls did change things, I do feel differently towards the boys. But do I love them any less? Not a chance!
Having the girls made me realise just how precious a gift I'd been given in all four of my children. It also made me realise that being a mother has nothing to do with the act of giving birth, it's what you do when you are with the children that matters. It's how you support them in becoming themselves, it's how you teach them about whats right and wrong, it's how you influence their morals and values. For me being a mother is about giving a piece of me to each child. It's about picking up the pieces when it all goes wrong, then showing them the right way, it's about remembering that each day will pass and you will never get the chance to have it back.
I feel blessed to be called a mother and I am sure you do too.
Love,
Mrs M
Dear Mother,
Mothers create the magic of moments, and it is the very simplest of moments that begin the journey of a priceless and unique life-quilt, adding one precious block at a time.
Memories are the gifts... the beautiful blocks that bind the life-quilt together. And each magical memory of my own Mom is one in which not one dime, or even one penny, was exchanged.
I remember standing on a kitchen chair next to our stove, using a wooden spoon to stir large chunks of chocolate and sugar and butter over a double boiler. My Mom guided my little hand with her warm hand as she taught me to make homemade fudge. I still see the gray and white padded kitchen chair... the old-fashioned kind with the silver tacks. I see the swirl of colors as the ingredients blend. I see my Mom's hand, her little woven potholder, her smile.
I remember standing next to my Mom on a dock in San Diego, waiting for my Dad to return from an 8-month at-sea Navy duty. I see her beautiful white dress with the light blue polka-dots. The dress is pure 1950's! I thought she looked like a movie star. She held my hand so tightly. She held my younger brother's hand so tightly. She kept telling my older brother to stay away from the ropes. Then she saw my Dad, and it is a picture I will never forget. She let go of our hands and leaped into his arms... only to then panic for the moment of, "The kids!" Well, we weren't going anywhere 'cuz our Dad was home. I still see my Mom and Dad holding hands in our car all the way home.
I remember my Mom teaching me to do cartwheels. We lived in New Hampshire by then, and all the girls seemed to know how to do them. I was the "new" girl. I still hear my Mom, step-by-step... "Raise your hands, left foot out, lean and go." My Mom was very athletically gifted. She never even reached 5', but she could smash a baseball, swim like a fish, and even stand on her head. Yes, I learned my cartwheel lesson well, and now I do them for my grandchildren!
I remember watching my Mom sew. One Christmas season in particular, her sewing machine buzzed well into the night... each night. She was making beautiful pillow cases for gifts. I loved the sound of her sewing machine late into the night. One night I got out of bed and she let me watch her sew. Her hands smoothed the fabric as the needle zipped along. She asked if I wanted to help. Of course I did! One long straight line of her hands guiding mine led to a love of sewing in me. All through high school and college I made all of my own clothing... even bathing suits.
I remember the night all of our polliwogs turned into tiny little frogs and escaped all over our living room. Oh, yes. My brothers and me spent endless hours with our friends in a little swamp near our home. One afternoon, we came home with lots and lots of cute little polliwogs. My Mom allowed us to keep them, with the rule that once all of their legs began to pop through, we'd release them back to the swamp. It didn't happen quite like that. On that memorable night, we were watching television, and a little "thing" landed on my Mom's shoulder. Then another. And another. My Mom laughed with such joy as we all began to scoop up the tiny frogs with our hands and place them back into our little aquarium (which, by that time, my Mom had secured with aluminum foil and lots of little holes). I will never forget our lesson in the life-cycle of frogs because of the miracle of that special night.
I remember my first prom... my Mom smoothing my gown with her hands before my Dad began the endless photographs. I remember her smile as I stood before her in my black cap and gown at my college commencement. I remember her trying to choke back her tears as I moved into my first apartment... with her blessing AND every used pot and pan and piece of cutlery that she could pack into every last box.
I remember the saddest and most difficult block of my life-quilt... when my Dad died very suddenly. My Mom was only 50 years old. But I remember her stoically going on. Moving forward. Teaching me and guiding me again with her great strength.
I remember my Mom holding my babies. Wrapping them in her love. I now see my Mom holding my grandchildren... a gift of love that is almost impossible to describe.
Dearest Mother... what I know with all certainty is that your children will remember the moments, the simple moments. These are the miracles. These are the gifts. These are the precious blocks of time, sewn together with stitches of love and joy and laugher and magic. There is enough fabric and enough batting and enough thread for each child who is ever born. This is the life-quilt. This is what will keep your children warm... long, long after they are grown. Sometimes your children will feel that they don't need the warmth of your magical quilt... but they will. They always will.
And do you want to know the real magic? The true magic? This is it... I now take the life-quilt that my Mom created for me and wrap her in it. Each block. Each stitch. Each design. Each tack. Each layer. I give it back. I gently cover her aging hands and back and legs... and the magic begins anew. The warmth. The love. The memories.
All for less than one penny.
I hope that all the letters you are reading keep you warm and joyful and secure in the love your wonderful, wonderful husband is weaving for you. His gift transcends even time. He is your thimble of strength.
Always believe in the magic of the simple moments...
With much love,
Sharon
Dear Mother,
This compilation of letters from other mothers and mothers-to-be feels like a gift to me as well! I have three rambunctious little boys (5 1/2, 3 1/2, and 1 1/2) and often feel very weary and discouraged. I appreciate the messages and reminders that this stage will not last forever. Therefore, I have more reason to look for the good in each day, to look at my child and think of how they look so small -- and ten years from now I'll shed tears over their sweet faces and high-pitched voices, longing to hold those little bodies in my arms.
Sometimes I feel so down that I want to just disappear, but, without fail, the next day there will be something good, something small that was tender, and I'm so glad I was here to see it. I need to relax and focus on the good.
I think this whole project is testimony of how much we, as adults, need each other, too! Be sure to look for ways to serve other people, to get involved in the community, to show your children what it means to be a valuable member of society. It has always been in helping others that I can get outside of my self-pity and feel better.
May we all have a wonderful Christmas and experience the joy in motherhood!
Love you all!
Dear Mother,
I had started a completely different letter earlier today. Our day began quietly enough (it's all relative with a 4 year old and a 2 year old) with acting class for the 12 year old and pajamas for the rest of us at home.
And then disaster struck. My 2 year old dislocated his elbow.
For the third time in less than a year.
You would think I would catch on faster, but I didn't. I wasn't in the room when it happened. He and his sister had been playing (and fighting) in the living room, and I was in the kitchen fixing lunch. He did the laugh/cry thing for a while, then it was all crying. He wouldn't stop, and I was too aggravated to find out why. I just went in and led him to the time out chair.
When I finally actually looked at him, saw him sitting there with tears in his eyes, his left hand cradling his right arm, I was stricken with guilt. I had put him in time out, and his shoulder was dislocated! He was in pain, he couldn't move his arm, and I was aggravated because he wouldn't stop crying!
I gathered him onto my lap as carefully as I could, and wrapped my arms around him. I put my head on his, and I wept. What kind of mother was I? How could I not know my son, my prince, my unexpected, unplanned, but oh-so-loved baby boy, was hurting? How could I be so blind? My guilt was overwhelming.
Two panicked calls brought reinforcements. My husband came home to take us to the ER. My in-laws came to stay with the girls. Off we went, and in practically no time, his elbow was back the way it belonged.
I wish my self-confidence could be snapped back into place so quickly. For the rest of the day I have been beating myself black and blue and have tried and convicted myself of being the Worst Momma In The World.
But my son doesn't think so. He thought it would be great to snuggle up with momma in the rocking chair and take a nap. He thought eating chips on the love seat with momma was a good idea. He loves and trusts his momma, no matter how much I feel like I've messed up.
And something else that helps me feel a little better about myself. God knew what kind of momma I was going to be. He knew I would loose my patience. He knew I would mess up and make mistakes. He knew I feel like a complete and utter failure sometimes. BUT. He also knew I would be crazy in love with my kids. He knew I would try to be the best momma I could be. He knew I would pray over them and try to show them His love every day.
He knew I would raise them in the fear and admonition of the Lord.
God knew all this about me, and He still gave me three amazing kids who bring more joy and love and laughter to my life than I could ever imagine.
It is such an amazing blessing to be a momma. I pray you enjoy the wild ride it is.
Ranelle
Dear Mother,
I'm so thankful to be a mother.
Being a mother has changed almost everything about me. It is a calling that encourages me to be more than I am. More patient, more compassionate, more encouraging, more faithful. Motherhood has allowed me to feel things more deeply - love, joy, gratitude but also worry and sometimes fear.
Being a mother has made me strong. I'd like to think that I could take on any enemy that threatened harm against my kids. That being said, motherhood has also made me utterly dependent on God for the ultimate protection over my family.
Being a mother has caused me to see others differently. Instead of a seeing a waitress or a rude driver, or a grouchy man at my pharmacy - I see people as they once were - as someone's precious child. Once my perspective changes, I find my heart opens to them as it would my own kids, and suddenly I can give them grace for their shortcomings. I also see my own mother differently. I see how she has always been my biggest supporter. How much she has loved me and given to me selflessly throughout my life. I am so thankful for that new perspective.
Lastly, being a mother has caused me to see myself differently. I am a nurturer. I am a provider of hugs, and prayers, and good quality food (and milk) that makes my kids flourish. I am a teacher. I have power and influence to raise children who are good, who love God, and who will be a light in this world. In becoming a mother I have been filled with a purpose that is beyond myself and is more high a calling than any I could have imagined for myself.
This is why I am thankful to be a mother.
Dear Mother,
Wow! This is a truly loving and amazing thing that your love is doing for you. What a blessed woman. My letter wont be long, but as a mother of 3 wonderful blessing under 3 I have a bit of advice. Take all the time you need to play with, love on and cherish your children. They will grow up way to fast and you will wonder where all it went. Make memories. Have a sleep over in the living room as a family with hot cocoa and cookies. Spend lots of time reading and cuddling with them. Remember that they are humans and make mistakes, just like us. I know it can be so frusterating to have just cleaned up something to have it mess again, look at the mess with joy ( I know its hard, its something I am learning every day) because one day you wont have those messes! ENJOY YOU CHILDREN! House work will always be there....later....after you kiss those cute cheeks.
Love,
Amber
Dear Mother,
The first thing you need to know about me is that I am a planner. My husband and I planned the conception of our first child, we planned the nursery, and we planned for his arrival. But God had his own plan, and at 31 weeks our son was born. He stayed in the NICU for three weeks before coming home. It was one of the most fearful times of my life. Like any normal mother, I would wake up in the middle of the night wondering if he was still breathing, but he wasn't there for me to check. He was 30 miles away from me. So I would call the hospital and one of the nurses, who never treated me like the crazy lady I felt I was, would reassure me that he was fine. We learned more about residuals, bilirubin levels, CPAP therapy, and gavage feeding than any parents should.
Going back to the night our son was born, I know that it was God who was in that delivery room with us. Sure, there was a team of doctors and nurses, my husband, my mother, and my mother-in-law, but God was the one who gave him his first breath that fueled the cry that every mother eagerly waits to hear. It was the most wonderful sound, and even though I was fearful many times throughout his NICU stay, I knew that God was there to guide his doctors and nurses and to keep his loving arms around him.
Now he is two and a half and we are expecting our next child in May 2009. There are times when his toddler behavior or a toy wrecked house can create major frustration, but I find that if I stop and think back to the night he was born, my frustration turns to gratefulness. I am grateful that God was with him that night so that he can be here today.
My only advice as a mother is that when you feel that frustration building, stop and remember the night your child was born. A little perspective goes a long way!
Love,
Misty
Dear Mother,
Once upon a time there was a young girl...she never wanted to give birth to children...very icky. She probably never wanted to get married. She just wanted to go to college and do something "meaningful" with her life. She had an aunt who would pull a breast out at the drop of a hat to feed her little mewling infant and it just smelled ewey and seemed very indiscreet and unpleasant.
Well, said girl was pretty much a mess in her head and became pregnant at the age of 17...yes she knew how that happened, it just didn't really seem possible at the time...afterall, she was going to college, she was going to do something "meaningful." Instead she found her little babyfaced self becoming increasing rounder and more babyfaced with the addition of weight she gained through the pregnancy.
People would look down their noses at her...because she looked about 15, no 13 and they would shake their head and go tsk, tsk...but there was a bigger plan unfolding, bigger than even she was aware of. God was letting her have her way...
A sweet baby girl was born to her, she was named Truthful...she taught the young girl how to love...she gave joy to young girls' grandmother who had recently lost her husband...she was a gift and they both knew it.
Young girl was still pursuing her greatest ambition...a college degree...everyone told her how wonderful she was...how smart she was...but things in her life were wrong...her relationships were wrong...her hasty marriage was wrong...it ended. She kept pursuing her college degree...she made great grades...but still something was missing...lacking...
Noone could tell her what it was...some people tried, but she thought life was pretty mundane and quite frankly, monotonous and boring. But one day, a whisper of joy touched her heart and she leapt at it and cried out to it...ARE YOU THERE? SHOW ME, PLEASE....
He did, He showed her Himself....and quite frankly, she has never been the same since. He gave her five children in all and turned her mourning into joy. He gave her joy in doing laundry, laughter in serving others, compassion to hurting people...He touched her heart and made her into a mother.
Mothering not just her physical offspring, but any others that He brought across her path, her childrens' friends, her friends' children, complete strangers at the store, at church, in nursing homes.
He taught her that everyone is an eternal being worthy of respect...and that to share with them was to touch a part of His eternal plan. Turning the boring monotony into something more....much, much more.
So dear mother...remember...always remember...He IS using YOU in His plan...what could be better?
With love,
Sarah
Dear Mum,
We tried for 5 years to get pregnant, without success. You see, I was meant to be a mum...it was somehow embeded in my soul. There was nothing I wanted more and not just in some cheesy way but the truest, deepest way possible. According to my mum, my sister (as a child) carried her baby dolls around by their heads but I carried my baby dolls just right. Me + being a mom = meant to be.
My world was shattered, beyond belief, when it seemed I wasn't able to become pregnant. Well, after 5 years, with the hopes and prayers of everyone we knew, we became pregnant!
Do you know what it was like to hear the words (from the ultrasound tech) "It's quads, no, just kidding! It's TWINS!"?
Do you know what it's like to hear the heartbeats of a child, much less two children you thought you'd never have?
Well, that was nothing compared to the feeling of my twins slipping one by one from my body, as I gave birth to them.
I thought "This is EXACTLY what I was made for."
People ask me everyday if having twins is tough. Tough? It was tough knowing I might never become a mum. Being a mum, even to twins, is more wonderful than anything...anything in the world.
From the moment I knew I was pregnant, something within me told me to roll with the punches and I've done that ever since and Moira, Callum and I are learning our way together just fine.
When pregnant women and mums ask for my advice I tell them to get ready to have the most wonderful experience of their lives. I tell them to get ready to love like they have never loved before.
This Christmas, I can't wait to wake up to the greatest gift of all...my twins. May your Christmas, with your chilren also be wonderfully blessed.
Sincerely,
Ashley, mum to Moira & Callum
Dear Mother,
Maya Angelou once said, "You did then what you knew how to do and when you knew better, you did better." This is being a mother. No one knows how to be a mother. Sure, we glean information from friends or from our own mothers, but mostly, we forge this path alone.
Maybe you don't always know what to do with a skinned knee or how to handle it when your baby is sick, but you'll do it with the grace of someone who knows just what to do--even if you're scared.
It's not always easy. Sometimes the fear will get the better of you, and you'll find yourself in tears, wondering what you could have changed. You'll doubt yourself, you'll wonder if you're really fit to be called a mother. But you are. In time, you will become a mother in ways you never dreamed, just by doing what you know how to do--even if you make it up as you go along.
This is a beautiful journey. It is filled with love and laughter, happy smiles and bright eyes. Take the time to enjoy it, to sit back and breathe it in. Smell your children's hair, count fingers and toes, and don't be afraid to let the world stop spinning just for a few hours, just to bask in the greatest gift of all.
Love,
Erin Charpentier
Dear Mother,
I write at one of those times that I'm wondering my role in life. As a mother, I know what that role entails but as an individual I'm seeking the path towards feeling fulfilled as a human. I know that being a mother is tied into my path but I'm struggling against it being my end all be all of the path.
I want to know who I am separate from the mommy; I also want to know who I am as a mommy. I just can't seem to make the two work together. When I'm an awesome mom, I'm dropping the ball on following through with my goals or even just coming up with goals. When I'm pursuing a dream, I'm dropping the ball at home. Where do the two meet and when does it get easier to accept all the juggling?
Yes, being a mother is at times, fulfilling, rewarding, awe-inspiring but often it is the stuff of hair pulling, maddening minutia that seems to drown out whatever last shreds of individual brilliance a mother may have. At times, I wish I could be the supermom and then I wish for a day at the spa or an unimcumbered afternoon of recklessing reading in one's pajamas.
Then, something happens that knocks your breath away. Your child says something that is such a simple profound expression of love that you are reminded that our main objective as humans should be to love one another and all the rest is just noise. You look deeper into her eyes and see you as a child, in all her innocence staring back at you and you are filled with unspeakable joy.
And that joy may last a minute, an hour, a day, or a lifetime, or at least until the next time whines for their mommy, who is desperately trying to go potty.
Dear Mother,
I'm still a young mother, but I think I have learned a lot along the way. I know how teach a child to love the world. I just hope that it carries through to the rest of their lives. There is so much to learn and teach and I hope I am doing it well.
I have three young ones. I love the smell of a new baby and as she is my last, it made me so sad to have that smell leave her.
I love the wonder in a child's eyes as they discover something new.
There are so many lessons to be learned as a mother. Children are such wonderful teachers. Even though they've only been on this world for short while, they can understand so much. If you listen to them, your life can be so full.
I love being a mother, but I have learned that to be the best mother I can, I also have to make sure to keep up with me. I have to learn and grow and achieve just for me. Then, I have plenty to give to my children.
Thank you, Mother, for all that you do!
Tirzah
Dear Mother,
You have been given the greated gift a woman could know. A beautiful child to love and nurture. You will have times when you are so happy you can't contain yourself and must tell others about your wonderful child. Other times you will be so angry you will snap and instantly regret the things you do and say. You will have times when you know such hurt and sadness you will wonder if it is worth it. But before they question is even fully formulated in your mind you will know that you don't regret one moment of your child's existance. I lost my 10 year old son a little over a year ago in an accident and the pain is still overwhelming at times but I do not regret one moment of my son's life. He has changed me into an entirely different and better person. I love him dearly. I am still his mother and will always be. From the moment he was conceived I am his mother. When I see my three living children I must remember each day never to take them for granted....they are indeed a gift. The greatest gift a woman could ever receive.
Dear Mother,
Love yourself as you love your children!
Heather
Dear Mother,
I know you are probably receiving a ton of unwanted advice about the pregnancy, birth and baby, so I figured a little more wouldn’t be out of place… just kidding! No, I just wanted to put something together for you so that you would have a lot of info about different matters handy to grab and refer to in the coming weeks and months.
As you know, I work with a lot of pregnant women and new mothers, and have a little bit of personal experience with babies myself… I don’t think that my info/advice is any more important than anything else you may hear or read. However, I do find a common theme arising over and over where women say: “I wish I’d known about that before my first child…” So I just wanted to share some of those ideas with you, in case any of them may be useful to your particular situation and wishes.
Women’s bodies are designed to birth and feed babies just fine without a lot of medical interference It’s good to remember that it is your body and your baby, and the hospital staff cannot force any procedures on you without your consent. A lot of procedures are routine, not necessary.
If it is possible, try to avoid or minimize the amount of drugs and pain medication used in labour. It can affect both mom and baby for up to a week or more after birth. Sometimes, early feeding problems tend to be caused by a “sleepy” or over-medicated baby having some problems with coordination. If you do use medication, be aware that this may be a cause of feeding problems that will improve with time and persistence.
The first hour after birth is “magic time” for babies. Keeping your baby skin-to-skin on your stomach/chest right after birth helps regulate blood sugar, temperature, mother’s hormones and uterus health. It doesn’t harm the baby to wait for an hour to be weighed, receive eye treatments or heel pricks, or bathed. In fact, many babies feed better if they are only towel-dried but not washed before the first feeding. Having amniotic fluid on the baby, especially on the hands, helps them smell and “find” mother better. Letting baby “self-attach” is a great start to nursing.
Babies do not need much food in the first 4 days of life, and mother produces small but powerful amounts of colostrums during that time. If baby does not eat much at first, it’s not necessary to panic and fill them with supplements. Small, frequent nursing sessions will be fine for most babies. In the very rare situation that a baby needs supplements (i.e., jaundice, hypoglycaemia), they can use non-bottle methods (dropper, cup, syringe) so as not to interfere with the establishment of breastfeeding.
Breastfeeding is like a dance where both people need to learn the rhythms of the other. Most women who persist find that by 6 weeks, most problems have been overcome. Even if there are persistent issues or insufficient milk supply, nursing never has to be an “all or nothing” situation. There are so many physical, immunological and emotional benefits to the physical act of nursing, that breast- and bottle-feeding can continue together if necessary.
A lot of babies have their “nights and days” apparently mixed up in the first couple of weeks. This usually resolves itself on its own as baby gets older, but a lot of parents stress out about it and try to force baby into an adult sleep pattern from the beginning. If you don’t have to get up early with other young children, for work, or to get kids onto the school bus, you can really relax and follow baby’s sleep cues in the first couple of weeks to maximize your own sleep. If baby wants to stay awake till 3 am and sleep till 11 am, you can always be flexible with the first baby, and pull out a favourite book or movie late at night. You can start to the teach eventual sleep habits that will be right for your family after your baby is a month or two older.
A lot of babies are calmer overall when you “wear” them for part of the day, in a sling, wrap, snuggli, etc. While convenient to wear them for walks and on public transit, wearing them around the house too has a lot of benefits. Baby loves the motion and body heat, and parents can move about getting some things done with a free hand or two. As well, babies who are carried more frequently than kept in swings, car seats and laying flat, keep a rounder shape to their skulls and develop healthy neck muscles. Some newborns and some parents dislike the sling or carrier at first when baby is very small and “floppy.” However, trying again in a couple of days, weeks or months, may find that it’s a perfect solution.
Each baby has a unique personality and a different way they will respond to their environment. Most babies haven’t read “the book” about what they’re supposed to do and how they’re supposed to behave… There are a lot of right ways to parent, and what works for one child and family may not be right for another. I know you guys will find the perfect balance for yourselves in time. And as hard as it may feel when you’re exhausted and the baby is fussy and you feel you’re at the end of the rope… in hindsight, this time of your life is a very short interval and they do grow up much too fast!
Enough clichés… hurry up and enjoy your beautiful baby!!!
All my best wishes,
Julie Larose
Dear Mother. All is okay!
I am a mother myself but this post somehow finds me writing about my own mother.
Looking at my own relationship with my mother somehow helps me to understand my own motherhood and relationships with my daughters.
My mum has passed away before I knew how to express my feelings.
Now I know that when my own daughters don't express their feelings that that is okay. They are there but not yet bubbled to the surface.
That is okay, I can wait.
My mum loved me to bits. I know because of what she did. However she too couldn't express herself very well and she was very careful not to impose her presence on me.
Now I too notice I am careful not to intrude too much, and understand that sometimes it might give them the idea I don't care.
That is okay, I know they will eventually know I loved them to bits too. I can wait.
My mum alwasy accepted who I was and never made me feel I didn't live up to her expectations.
That felt safe and secure and I loved her for giving me the freedom to be who I was.
When one daughter tells me she feels I am not expecting much of her, it doesn't hurt. I just know that that is what I've learned from my mum and maybe it is time to adjust to a different tune.
That is okay and I can wait till I have found the right balance.
My mum was very systemized and had a strict plan she would not deviate from.
I swore I would never be like her and hated systems ever since.
Finally I got over that, started to see the value of systems and what my mum did and I know that my daughters will get over their irritation with some of my habits.
That is okay, I can wait.
I found my mum boring but she was always at home ready to look after me.
Now I appreciate her choice to be a stay at home mum and how she looked after all of us and did her hobbies and communiyt work.
I became a career woman and I know my daughters have missed me at home because of that.
This is all okay, I can wait till they are mothers and then it will be full cirlce again.
All I know is that as mothers we are never perfect and guilt is slowly disappearing as I know we are loved and we will leave a legacy.
Dear Mother,
When I had my 1st daughter I was 16, the second one when I was 19. They are the 2 most beautiful human beings in my life. They are my best friends, we tell each other every thing. They are now 22 and 25, both married and living their own life...but we talk every day,we say I love you every day, we think of one another every day. They call me when something makes them happy and when they are sad. I've been so happy for them I felt my heart was going to explode with love and I've been so sad with them I felt my heart was going to explode with sadness.
I never knew a person could love like moms do until I had them, I tell them until you have a child of your own there's no way you can understand what it means.
If this is suppose to be about adivce, I have very little but what I do have is very precious.
1. Tell them and show them you love them every day!
2.Hug them often....daily...hard.
3. Always let them know they can come to you with their problems.
4. Try to remember what it was like for you at their age...weather it's 4,12,19 or 25.
5. When they make you mad,and they will think...think....think BEFORE you speak. (counting to 10 does help)
I wish you all the joy and happiness in the world.
Love, Lisa
Dear Mother,
You made it. The woman who wondered if she would EVER be a mother is now a mother of FOUR. Who could know by looking at you that you were "infertile", that God opened your womb (and your eyes, heart, soul)through the path of infertility treatments. Some of the sisters you met there were not as lucky. Some gave up. But you persevered.
And on the day you held your 2 babies, your double blesssings, the "two for one special"--- it somehow didn't seem important that your own mother didn't love you. That she rejected you time and time again, got her laughs by putting you down and breaking you down. At first you were angry. How can a mother NOT love one of her children? As you looked at your twin boys you couldn't imagine NOT loving one of them. And then FEAR came. Would you be just like her? Would you be able to be a good mother when you yourself had not had one? Could you nurture instead of hurt? You would get your answer on the day you saw your 2 year old daughter smiling at herself in the mirror. Memories of your own mother taunting you when she saw you looking at yourself the same way came flooding back. But instead of hurt and pain you felt pride and love. You KNEW you were different. You smiled at your little girl and told her she was beautiful. Then you said a silent prayer that she would always like what she saw in the mirror, because you knew that life had a way of making young women dislike what they saw.
Mother what I want you to know is this. You are not the sum of the mother you were given. You can turn anything around into a blessing. What a blessing it was to have survived the mother you had. You learned to lean on God, you learned what NOT to do as a mother and you learned how everything you say and do is imprinted on a little heart, for always.
You made it. You are a mother. You know that children are a gift. Enjoy each moment. You deserve it!
Dear Mother,
In 117 cumulative years of parenthood (and counting), here are my top five observations:
(1) When your children are little, you will be told, "You think it's rough NOW, just wait 'til they're teenagers," and you'll think this is hyperbole. It's not.
(2) There ought to be a law against having more than three teenagers living in the same house. There isn't.
(3) You will do everything in your power and beyond in the desperate hope that they will always make the right choices. They won't.
(4) They will do things so heartbreaking and hurtful that you'll wonder whether maternal love really is unconditional after all. It is.
(5) There will be days when things are so bleak and so black that it seems all you can do is throw back your head and laugh. Do it.
God bless you and keep you (sane)!
--Kalynne
http://community.albinism.org/blogs/parents/archive/2008/11/28/the-dear-mother-project.aspx
Dear Mother,
Oh my, this is not what you expected. You dreamed of a perfectly healthy, “normal” child, we all do. You’ve known something isn’t right and now, there is this “diagnosis”, this label, this thing that states you didn’t get what you expected.
Grieve Mother. Go ahead and grieve the loss of the perfect child of your dreams. It is ok, the sadness, the fear, the worry, they are all normal. So pound your fists, and have a good cry. The sooner you let it out, the sooner you can move on. Your child is the same, only the path you will travel has changed.
Love your child and educate yourself about the condition. Take little bites and compile a list of resources you can consult when you need additional information. Seek out families with children who are older than yours and the same age as yours. Ask them your questions and compare experiences, but remember, no two children are ever the same. Take what you learn and view it through the filters of your life and your child’s personality.
Take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself as you adjust to the changes created by the diagnosis. Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing at all
As your child grows, you will become an expert in acronyms such as IFSP, IEP, M.D., O.D., PT, OT, TVI O&M, NCLB, ADA and on and on and on. Many will have opinions, but remember that the one that counts the most, is yours. You are an expert on your child. If a remedy doesn’t feel right, don’t do it.
One last piece of wisdom, and to me, this is perhaps the most important. Don’t say “You can’t do that.” Instead, allow your child the time, space, and tools to find his or her own limits.
The hardest thing in the world is to watch your child struggle but it is these challenges that will build inner strength and develop the coping skills necessary to thrive as adult an adult.
And so Mother, grieve the child you lost, love the child you have, learn as much as you can but remember to be kind to yourself. Give your child the wings to fly and someday when you are able, share your experiences with others.
Best wishes,
Lee
Woman with albinism and mother of two children with albinism.
Dear Mother:
As I hold my baby boy in my arms and watch him peacefully sleep, I wonder how some women are so complete with this amazing love and some women fail to ever understand the love of a child and how fulfilled it can make you.
I wondered for the longest time if I ever would be a good enough mother, ever be kind enough, loving enough, and find it in me to the be mother I wanted to be and not the mother I had.
As luck would have it, I could never imagine being anything less of the mother I've become. Sure, I sometimes lose my patience, I sometimes grit my teeth and chant "he's only three", but I just know.
I was born to be a mother. A genuine mommy, who lives for her children, yearns for their safety, for their love, and for the comfort in knowing that they feel that love with every ounce of their being.
My big boy, my tiny boy.. we all cuddle into one big pool of love, and while it can never fill the holes that my own mother left in me, it reaches a new peak of beauty and my life certainly wouldn't be complete without it.
How do you know how to be a mother? Sometimes, you just know.
Love,
Megan
Dear Mother,
Are you as tired as I am? I've never known exhaustion like having three children ages three and under.
Have you showered today? I haven't, but I think I did manage to brush my teeth. At least I hope I did.
Is your laundry caught up? Because mine is in a dirty pile in the basement and in a clean pile in the girl's room and in a clean pile in the baby's room and strewn about in our room. How do I find time to get it actually on a hanger and in the closet?
Do you cook good meals each night for your loving family? I try. I swear I try. I start out every Monday with a menu in mind but usually by 4pm that same day I am hastily grabbing the Kraft blue box and some hot dogs while nursing the baby and putting the two year old in time out and trying to do an art project with the three year old. If we order pizza one more night my husband will leave me.
Are your bills paid on time? How do you stretch a teachers salary and a self employed mom's meager pay checks to feed five people? We're not doing it well, that's for sure.
How does your house look? Are your carpets clean? Are your couches stained? Is there marker on your walls? Are your toilets always sparkling and flushed? I pretend like mine are, but in reality I always have a moment of panic when a visitor asks to use the bathroom and I wonder if the potty trainer flushed down her poopoo or not b/c I can't remember and didn't care at the time.
How is your sex life? Mine, frankly, sucks. But what is worse? That it sucks or that I don't care that it sucks b/c sex leads to babies in this house, and we don't need anymore babies? Should I try harder? I'm still not sure.
Do you have many friends? I have my mom, thank God. Thank God for mothers right? And I have my sister a few states and a quick email away. And I have my one single friend and my one mom friend and then that's about it. Who has time for friends right now?
Are you worried? Do you worry about whether or not your three year old will get her feelings hurt at preschool when someone doesn't want to play with her? Do you lose sleep over the fact that your two year old isn't talking very well yet? Do you worry that although you know he's your last baby you still might want more? Do you think about what Happy Meals multiple times a week does to their little bodies?
Do you resent them sometimes? Like when you haven't slept more than 3 consecutive hours in over 30 months? Or when you haven't been able to pee in peace in over 2 years?
And do you ever wonder what you would do if this wasn't the crazy, wonderful, exhausting life God has blessed you with? I do. And then I immediately thank God for the spit up on my shoulder, the bags under my eyes and the dust on my high heels.
And I keep going. And I keep thanking Him. And I hug them just a bit tighter. Even when they're throwing tantrums in public and peeing on the floor.
Love Jodie
Dear Precious Mother,
It's 3am and your lamp is still burning brightly. Your eyes are tired and heavy. Your body is worn out. Your spirit is exhausted. You look at the clock and realize that you have to 'get up' in 2 hours though you have yet to go to sleep. You look around and notice the 'to do list' that never got accomplished from the day before. There are letters that should have been mailed out last week. The laundry is stacked to the ceiling. The floors need to be mopped. The bathrooms need to be scrubbed. The toys need to be picked up..the list goes on and on through your spinning mind. Just as tears start to fill your tired eyes, you hear the sound of your precious baby in your arms. You look down and see this precious little soul, softly nestled close to your chest. You press your lips on her forehead... the fever is gone. Your sweet baby is finally fast asleep. You don't move an inch, you don't want to risk waking her. You know that your day is about to begin again, though it never really ended. You know that you will move through the coming hours completely exhausted and in a fog, but none of that matters...all that matters is that tiny, helpless little soul resting peacefully in your arms. You rock her gently and begin to think of all the dreams you have for her. You think of the day she learns to sit up. You think of chasing after her as she crawls down the hall. You think about her first words and her first steps. You think of her first birthday, then her first day of school. You think of her future husband and the wedding of her dreams. You think of the grandbabies she will one day place inside your empty arms. Then this tiny wonder wingles in your arms and brings your mind back to reality..Her little whimper reminds you that those dreams will never come to pass. You look at your precious girl and think of those dreams..you long for her to grow into the beautiful little toddler, girl and woman you hoped for her to become. Your heart aches for the future but you cannont let it settle there - you have to concentrate on today. You have to think about the precious life presented to you right here and right now. You have to soak up every single moment of this baby girl before it's too late. Your mind fears what is yet to come, but your heart settles on what you have been blessed with this far.
For 5 months you cared for this precious child day in and day out...never wanting to give up, never asking for something better, or something different..only praying for Gods will to be done. For months on end you sat by your child's hospital bed, watching her cry out in agony...knowing that you could never fully take away all the pain that has taken over her helpless body. You desperately want to hold this daughter you dreamed of, but knowing that holding her would only cause her more pain, you resist the temptation. You let her rest, alone, on that hospital crib...but you stay near. You pray over her day in and day out. You pray for healing. You pray for miracles. You pray for Gods will to be done. You touch her tiny hand, wrapping your fingers around hers. You take hundreds of pictures. Trying to capture every single moment of her life, good or bad, so that you have something to bring your mind back to that moment in time. You stand up for her and fight for her well being. You are her only advocate. Nobody loves that precious girl as much as you do mother..nobody other than God could ever feel the way you do when you look into her tired eyes. Your heart breaks for her..for the pain she endures, for the way her body is fighting. You don't allow your heart to break for your own pain...all that matters right now is her. You play her favorite cd filled with beautiful tunes that lull her to sleep every night. You wash her ever so carefully, then massage her aching body. You wrap her in tiny pajama's then admire her beauty..all 'snug as a bug in a rug'. You tell her how much you love her. You tell her how much more God loves her. You tell her that she is doing great, she is such a fighter, but reassure her that it's okay if she cannot fight any longer. You touch her sweet face. You run your fingers through her whispy hair, trying to remember the texture and the color. You look into her eyes.. totally helpless, totally dependent upon you. You don't see fear or frustration. You see peace..she must know something you don't know. She knows where she is going..she knows her time is coming to an end, she offers you love and strength through dark blue eyes. You lean in close to her, you kiss her head, her cheeks, and her pink little lips. The doctors have done all they can do..they send you home like it's just another day..but it's anything buy odinary to you. You are going home..You should be happy to take your precious child home after a 4 month hospital stay, but this is anything but a happy ocassion. You are going home...
To say goodbye.
These memories flood your mind as you rock back and forth with that sweet baby in your arms. You try your hardest to remember those tiny 12lbs. in your arms..the way her weight feels, the way she fits perfectly in your loving embrace. You spend hours just trying to remember the scent of your baby right after her warm bath..the smell of powdered skin and baby lotion..a mothers perfect scent. You look down and you see bits and pieces of her father..you see images of her and her big sister laughing and dancing together in the years that were supposed to come. You look at her and you see yourself. You see the love of a family all wrapped inside this little soul. After 5 months and 3 days of fighting for her life, you little darling is letting go. Death looms over your baby..slowly taking her piece by piece..your heart throbs, and your stomach sinks. You knew this day was coming and now it's here. You don't want your sweet baby to suffer another moment but your heart longs to have her near. You arms need that weight. Your hands need to feel her skin. Your ears need to hear her taking one breath after another. Your nose longs for that sweet baby scent. You embrace your child..never putting her down for a moment. Nothing else in the world matters. As far as you know, the world has already stopped. You continue to find strength. You continue to hold on to hope. You continue to send prayers to the Father above. Prayers for a miracle. Prayers for healing. Prayers for strength and understanding. Prayers for His will to be done.
With that last breath, your daughter is gone. Your heart screams...it burns and feels as though it will burst. Tears fall from your eyes as you hold that lifeless body in your arms. You pray for God to take you right along with her. You pray bug Gods answer is "no". And just like that our girl is an angel. Just like that we lost our baby girl. Just like that our 2 year old lost her baby sister. Just like that our 3 month old will never feel the hug of her big sister. Just like that our parents lost their granddaughter. Just like that life has been forever changed.
Mother, you are far from perfect. You never will find perfection inside your heart. Give yourself to others..give your whole heart to everyone that knows you. Shower your children in love and adoration. Bless your husband with love and understanding. Love on your neighbors. Lend a hand to a stranger. Every day focus on being a little bit less like yourself and little bit more like Jesus. Every day count your blessings and thank God for all that He has done in your life. Death stole your daughters body away, but God holds her spirit in His hands. Through Christ you will be reunited with that precious little wonder, you will hold her in your arms again someday. Make the most out of what you have been given. Cry when you need to cry. Laugh when you can and love always. Don't lose sight of hope...Your heart continues to beat even through the pain, so reach out to those who are hurting..rest in assurance that Gods plans for your life are bigger than anything you could ever plan for yourself. Smile because some people only dream of angels..you held one in your arms. Put one foot in front of the other each and every day because you have a God that loves you..every part of you. Rest in peace tonight knowing that God is good..all the time. All the time God is good.
In His Grace,
Kelly Turner
www.libertylee.blogspot.com (Praise in spite of pain)
P.S. (I wrote this letter to myself. I have been struggling with the pain of losing our precious 5 month old daughter, Liberty, in Oct. of 2007. I pray that this letter reminds you (and me) that God has blessed us with one of the most wonderful, rewarding, selfless jobs around... motherhood. Never take this job lightly...nobody on this earth will love those babies as much as you do. You are doing amazing - yes even through the chaos and stress - you are amazing! God bless you Mother!!!
Dear Mother,
I am a mom to a
5 year old autistic son,
a 4 year old know it all-girl-of-all-girly-girls,
a 3 yr old loud-strong-athletic-tom-boy,
and a sweet butterball of a 8 month old baby girl.
The first 7 years of my married life I have spent pregnant, breast feeding, recovering from pregnancy, moving, dealing with the medical needs of my son .... it's seems like it has gone so slowly but then I turn around and it has vanished.
And Jesus said, "Behold your little ones"
I've always said Hold your little ones. Rock them. Sing to them. Hug them. Hold their hand. Color with them. Sing to them and with them. Tell them stories of Jesus and of Heaven and about the King and Queen we call Heavenly Mother and Heavenly Father...
Lay in the grass with them and stare at the sky. Go for long walks and take trips to the park. Have mommy-child dates. Let them help with the chores and daily routine. Involve them every chance you get.
Listen to them. Encourage them to talk and share their feelings. Call them names like sweetheart and precious. Tell them they are Prince's and Princess's. Tell them bedtimes stories and read to them. Encourage them to be independent.
Teach them to pray and to talk to God. Let them learn to have values like individual worth, honesty, the meaning of true hard work.
But above all - let the messes be messes. Your children are gone in a blink of an eye - but the messes will always be there.
In all your duties and responsibilities - take time to be yourself. Dote on your physical appearance, your spiritual attributes, your mentality. Have a social life. To thine on self be true.
Seek to balance your roles as well as you can manage. There is a time and place for everything. Be patient. Take mini breaks. Count to ten - or higher... Depend on your husband to be your help-mate.
It may seem heavy or depressing at times so stay connected to your Father in Heaven who gives strength to the weary and peace and rest to those that endure.
Find happiness in the small moments in each day. Don't compare yourself to others.
Do Your best and Forgive yourself often.
Find a support group made up of family and friends and go to bed every night with a list of things to be grateful and thankful for.
Remember and honor your parents or people in your life that have helped you become the person you are today.
Use your camera every chance you get.
If all else fails.... count on your blogging friends to get you through the day!
Merry Christmas and wishes for you and your family to have many wonderful memories!
Dear Mother:
Being a mom is an amazingly joyful and tearful thing. I have become a mother by giving birth to two incredibly healthy & miraculous children, and then much later I became a mother to two incredibly traumatized yet also wonderfully miraculous children.
In my mind being a mom is the world's most incredible calling, yet it is the one that requires the most sacrifice. Yet what I have found is that the love of my children makes the sacrifice no big deal.
My children have the gift of making me smile, laugh, hug, kiss, cry, yell, and collapse in utter frustration. However, even on the worst day to hear "Mommy, I love you" melts all the ugly away.
None of my children have come with a manual although I have begged for one, and I have made mistakes with all four of them. But I have also learned that love covers a multitude of mistakes. I have also discovered that as much as I love each of my children, God loves them more. I lean on that more than I ever imagined.
So to you a wonderful memeber of the mom club, enjoy each day, forgive yourself, hug often, and don't forget that joy and tears go hand in hand with the blessings called children.
Love Mel
Dear Mother,
I am the mother of our son. The beautiful boy that you and your husband somehow found the strength to let go of. To send him far, far away, and face the reality that you may never see his sweet face again. What kind of courage does that take? How big of a heart?
What does it feel like, to not be able to put food in your child’s mouth when he is hungry? I can’t imagine. I can’t imagine having the strength of lions. The guts to walk through fire like you have done.
He looks like you. He is so tall and has the longest eyelashes I have ever seen. He is dynamic, hilarious, and so full of love. He has started to understand a bit more of his story. This week, for the first time, he asked me why Mommy and Daddy had to come to ‘Opia to get him and bring him home. My mouth opened, but nothing came. How do you explain such tragedy to a wide eyed 2.6 year old, when he himself is the center of the tragedy? Such a blessing for us, having been brought to life by our son, but at a cost that haunts me daily.
I wonder how many times a day you think about him. I wonder if you still cry every day. I wonder if his older siblings miss playing with him. I wonder if they hope he will come back, magically return and make it all okay. I look at my wedding photo and realize that you were four months pregnant on that day. I had no idea.
I remember you crumbling to the floor like a hurt child when I gingerly and shamefully handed you the silver 5x7 framed photo of our baby boy. It seemed insulting, in a way. I wanted to run away from it all at that moment. I wasn’t brave enough for this, I thought.
The idiocy of that thought sent flames to my cheeks. Brave? Brave? You have the audacity to feel sorry for yourself? I had to find my balance, because I remembered that you expected more from me. I needed to show you that I was going to be a good mother, no, an incredible mother, because what choice did I have? What choice do any of us have?
I always remember that I could have easily been born you. You could have been born me. When we were born, we landed where we landed, and I don’t think I will ever understand it. There is no justice in what has happened. I try to believe that if our roles were reversed, that I would have been strong enough, too. To do what you have done. You brought him to me, to my family. He is adored. He laughs (but you can’t hear it). He sings songs (but not in his native tongue.) He gives hugs and kisses constantly (how I wish you could feel them).
We teach him about you. I tell him what I remember and what I wrote down. I know the day is coming when the questions will be more detailed, more intense. There will be pain, confusion, and tears. I am doing my best to keep my promise to you. We have so much joy in our lives because of him. Because of you.
I believe that one day, we will meet again. In this life, in another, somehow, somewhere. The connection that we have as mothers is unbreakable. We share the love of one child, one beating heart that means more to the two of us than to anyone else in this world. I am honored and humbled to share that love with you.
You wondered why we had not had any children before. Your hope was that he would grow up with lots of siblings. I assured you that he would have that, and you would be happy to know that our boy is now a big brother. A brother more in love with a baby sister than I ever thought possible. He makes her laugh. He soothes her. He helps feed her. You would be so proud.
One day, I will tell you all this. I will hold your hands and tell you the stories of this life you gave me, and him. We will laugh, and we will cry, and I will never, ever stop until that happens. I am keeping the promise, dear mother. You are my family, and I love you, from far, far, away.
Heather Beauchamp
Mother of 2
Dear Mother,
You can do it. These are some of the most important words I think every Mother needs to hear. I know, there are days when you want to scream and cry and pull your hair out. There are other days when things go so perfectly you want to stop time, just so that it lasts forever.
You can do it. God has blessed you with these sweet souls, because He knew that YOU were the perfect one to take care of them. It gives us such a great responsibility, but also such great blessings.
You can do it. The cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring, nursing, bandaging, loving -- everything that comes with Motherhood.
You can do it. When you think you can't do it any longer, you can. Remember that you are not in this alone. Lean on your wonderful husband for support, for your many friends and family, and most of all your God.
You can do it. I know you can. And on days when you think you can't, come back and read this and remember you can. You have much love and support.
Love to you Mama --
Kim
Mother of 4, 3 who are living.
I emailed this in from vball_chic14@yahoo.com but got an error message after sending so not sure if it went through. If so, sorry for the double post.
Dear Mother,
Wow, I really don’t know where to begin with this project. Writing this letter will never do you the justice, honor, and love you deserve. But I will attempt at my best. E for effort right? How you get up every day teach special education students for 30 years I have no clue. Many people have counted them out of the game of life and have very little expectations of them. However, you teach them to be independent and give many parents the hope they have never experienced. That in itself deserves an award not just a letter.
You are amazing woman with a zest for life. You taught me so much about life, love, and experiences. I just hope I am doing as good of a job as you did. Sometimes, I don’t know how you made it through without locking me up or knocking me up the side of the head. I mean you always told me that paybacks would be a coming, but I never imagined what I was in for. I wasn't an easy kid to raise. I was always pushing the limits, seeing how much rebellion I could get away with. I wasn't a bad kid either, just a very independent strong willed redhead who let nothing stand in her way. You realized this and let me learn/blossom. Thank you for letting me be me and for loving me unconditionally. Even when I threw a house party at 15 yrs old while you guys were out of town. Yeah I was totally busted by the cops and my parents. But I lived, learned and never did it again.
You have let me live out my dreams even though that meant I would be living a thousand miles from her. Never once did you attempt to change my mind. What mother would chat online with a guy her daughter is desperately in love with, despite having met him in person? You never discouraged me from pursuing my heart. You probably were scared shitless, but never once, did you let me see it. You have loved me when I didn't love myself. You have been my rock when I need one to lean on. When I am broken, you tape my pieces back together, tell me to get up things will get better. You have always stood by me, through the good, the bad, and the ugly. Trust me, the ugly was really rough and without you I don't know that I could have gotten through it. I know it’s hard on you watching Kenley, your only grandchild, grow and change so much in between the time you get to see her. But all that melts away when Kenley says hello or runs to you when you arrive from a couple month hiatus. Kenley doesn't run to too many people. Your generous spirit has helped me stay home with Kenley when times were rough. You have given much more to me that nothing I can do will every repay you. All I can do is keep trying and hopefully my debt tab will dwindle down. We talk almost every day and sometimes we have nothing important to say. We just want to say hello, how ya doing. And I love that!!
We went through some rough times when I was younger. It was the three of us for awhile. Never once did I hear you complain or bad mouth the divorce or my real dad. You always made sure to keep that communication open with him as you knew it was best for us. Not many people can put aside those deep emotions and do that for their kids. They try but few rarely succeed. You are selfless and are always thinking about others. Never asking for anything in return.
I heart my momma, my best friend, and the best Grammy a princess in pigtails could ask for.
Thank you for being a role model and a teacher of what the word mother means,
Your daughter Tara (mother to Kenley age 2)
Dear Mother,
Wow, on September 5, 2008 at 9:49 a.m. I got to know you in a way I never had before - as a mother.
Who knew in my wild, reckless youth there would come a day when I would understand your fear and anxiety when I would stay out late and not tell you?
Who knew there would come a day when your tears and frustration over a messy room, or good night's sleep would be so understandable?
Who knew there would be a time when I would understand why you do all the stupid little things you do for me at the drop of a hat?
I understand all that and so much more. I understand the wonder and the fear and the joy and the frustration. I wish I could go back to the pre-mother me and say "Hey! Your mother is worried!! CALL HER!" and undo all the millions of little hurts I have put you through in the last 32 years - and the ones I will probably put you through in the next 32 years!
Mother, you are the best Mother and I love you. I hope to learn from your mistakes. I hope to learn from your triumphs. I mean, Rebecca and I did turn out pretty great. Most of all Mother, I hope that Josephine thinks of me the way I think of you.
Love,
Amanda
Dear Mother,
Hello Dear Mother, Ma, Momma, and Mommasita. It is your children waking you up for one last kiss goodnight, sip of water and one more story. You hold me tight everynight, except the night or two that Nana tried to fill your shoes. All of us sisters and one busy brother keep true to only you.
Life as busy as it is you are still the one we find our stength in. Tender touch, and stern with command, you still have us in your heart, and soul in your hands.
This letter is not as easy for me, for my eyes keep tearing as my being unable to stand the thought of these precious days comming to an end. One day, my dears you will leave me to start journeys that I cannot travel. Know that as your only Mother, Ma, Momma, and Mommasita, that you four are my life. It is my heart and soul that rests in your tiny hands. Being a single mother of four is a duty of life that I enjoy, even on the days to you I seem to annoy with the endless list of chores. My heart breaks at the idea that one day you will not be here waking me up in my sleep, for one more kiss, a drink, and the never ending stories. I thank you my dearest children, and all that we together endure.
Love Always Your,
Mother, Ma, Momma, and Mommasita
Dear Mother,
I never imagined that I would learn to be a mother without my own mother by my side.
I lost Mom to cancer when I was only 19. I remember thinking at that time how devastating it would be to not have my mother present at my college graduation.
Later, on my wedding day, I set up a small table at the reception, near the guest book, with her photo and some candles and flowers. I was so happy, but at the same time so saddened by the fact that Mom wasn't there to worry about every detail, and gush over me in my wedding gown.
But I missed my mother the most the day I discovered I was pregnant. I couldn't call her to share the big news, and hear her excitement over the phone. My baby would be Mom's first grandchild, and she wouldn't be around to shower her with gifts, and shower me with unwanted advice that I secretly wanted. How would I ever learn to be a good mother without my Mom around?
The day my daughter arrived, I surprised myself with my confidence. I held my tiny girl in my arms, feeling only love for her. No fear. No nerves. No doubt. And as the days, weeks, and now months have gone by, I realize why those feelings faded.
Even though Mom was no longer physically with me, she had taught me everything I needed to know about being a good mother. I'm sure she started teaching me the day she first held tiny me in her arms. Throughout my entire life, my mother was teaching me, by example. That doesn't mean that I don't still sadly walk by the "My Grandma Loves Me" bibs, or long for all that wonderful unwanted advice. But I know that I'm not going at this mother thing blindly. I know that my mom is with me, helping me with her spirit and her memory.
Perhaps the most significant thing a mother can do for her children is simply to provide a loving, motherly example.
With Love,
Lauren
Dear Mother,
May the Lord Bless you in your Motherhood journey. I have been dreaming of being a Mother my whole life. I am still waiting, however I have been a baby-sitter for over ten years, a teacher for two years, and daughter forever! I absolutely LOVE children. I aspire to be a Mother and love the way mothers do, give the way mothers do, forgive the way mothers do, protect the way mothers do, dream the way mothers do, and believe the way mothers do. You truly are a step above!
Please continue to share you wisdom, love, and hope with your children. Show them how special it is to be a parent. Please make mistakes and show us, your children, how to stumble and stand up again. We watch you more than you think! We love you so deep on the inside no matter what hurts or rules we complain about over and over again.
Thanks for making the choice to be a MOM!
Love, Janice
Dear Mother,
The task of writing a Mother Letter is a bit daunting. Over the past 15 months that I have been a mother there have been many occasions when I thought, "boy, I wish someone had told me...", or "wow, they weren't kidding when they said ...", or "I'm so glad that I paid attention to...". But now that I have a chance to put it on paper for other mothers my mind is so unorganized that I have trouble putting the pieces together. I suppose it comes with the territory. I guess this is a good place to begin.
I wish someone had told me that your mind will turn to mush with motherhood. Thankfully you never forget the important stuff, like when the baby last ate or when he is due for a well-baby visit. But be prepared to make several trips back into the house when you're trying to go somewhere. Oops, I forgot a change of clothes, woobie, keys, purse, etc.
I wish someone had told me that you may not feel that instant bond the moment you see your baby. Honestly, I am ashamed to admit that it took a few months before I stopped feeling like a babysitter and started to feel like a mother. Looking back and considering how much I love my son, I cannot imagine that I ever felt like I was just taking care of someone else's baby, but I did.
I wish someone had told me that it is okay to let the baby cry. It's natural and within moderation it won't hurt anyone.
I'm glad I paid attention when a veteran mom told me to watch the clock when letting the baby cry. It may feel like a lifetime when you know all of your baby's needs are met, but you hear your baby cry in the other room. If you look at the clock and tell yourself that you'll give him 5 minutes to cry, it really isn't too long.
I'm glad I decided to read parenting books and listen to all advice - even the unsolicited advice. Just because you read about it or someone told you about it, doesn't mean you have to do it. But it is nice to have ideas and option. Choose what you think will work best for you and what fits with your family. If it doesn't work, move on to the next idea. At least you always have a plan B.
They weren't kidding when they said that parenting can be trial-and-error. Just because it worked for your sister's kids doesn't mean that it will work for yours.
I wish I listened when I was told to make time for yourself. I'm working on it, but I still struggle with this one. I volunteered to quit my career to be a full time mom. Coming from a single parent home myself I feel very blessed that my husband and I are able to do this. However, giving up my career for my new job as mom makes me feel like I am not allowed to ask for help so I can do something for myself. It feels selfish. I'm still trying to remind myself that taking care of myself will only help me to be a better mom and wife.
This may seem minor, but I wish someone had told me to save the boxes for large baby items. Baby swings and walkers would be much easier to store if I still had the original boxes.
I wish someone had told me to let granny spoil the baby. After all, she isn't with him 24/7 so a little spoiling will not undo all the work towards schedules, etc. Granny will enjoy it, baby will enjoy it, and if you just relax and know that a cookie before dinner will not end the world then Mom will enjoy it too.
I'm glad I listened when I was told to just enjoy the moment. Reaching for the camera to capture every cute moment often results in a poor picture and my missing the actual event. Sometimes it is best to sit back and enjoy it, and trust that your memory has captured the event.
I'm glad I listened to the advice of just using a hair rubber band around your wrist to remember which side to nurse from. The safety pin on your bra strap is too cumbersome with a baby in your arms.
I'm glad I decided to stick to my guns. Decide what is important to you and Dad as parents, and stick to it. For us, we were told by the pediatrician when to introduce solid foods. Everyone in the extended family pushed for an earlier feeding. Too bad. You had your kids and raised them how you choose. Now it is our turn.
They weren't kidding when they said "it is just a phase". I read somewhere that "your child will not go to college and throw his sippy cup on the floor". This obvious statement gets me through the moments when I feel stressed about typical toddler behavior. I remind myself that the behavior will eventually pass and it helps me to relax. I only hope that it will continue to work through the teen years...
As it turns out, a lot of the advice I received since my pregnancy has turned out to be true. I guess you just have to live it to fully appreciate it.
Sincerely,
Angela
Dear Mother,
So, I'm pretty sure that I always wanted to be a mother. I remember being a rebellious, self-centered teenager, and still wishing I could adopt my aunt's baby she was giving up for adoption.
I actually became a mom on September 11, 2001. In my second day of induced-labor... the nurse popped in to say, "turn on the news to see what happened on the day your baby was born" while turning on the TV - we saw the 2nd tower get hit before I said, "I'm doing something much more important here, so TURN OFF THAT TV!"
My daughter, Arabella Grace, was born that afternoon. She has a congenital heart defect, so she went to the NICU the morning of 9/12... and motherhood started! I jumped out of bed, "full-recovered" to be at her side non-stop... to the demise of my ankles, which swoll up even bigger than they had from the pre-eclamsia.
And motherhood was defined by a statement from my mommy...as she looked at my exhausted body and tried to persuade me to take a break from sitting in the NICU...
"You know how much you love that baby in there?"
I nodded.
"That's how much I love you. And I want to see you healthy too."
Motherhood is the most tiring, most rewarding thing I have ever done.
I have learned to have a radar for dangerous objects, to snuggle 3 kids at once, and that adopt and biology feel just the same once you're the mom.
Love,
Heather
Dear Mother,
I write to you today as I am filled to the brim with joy to be a mother. There are so many days that are such a struggle, a struggle to feel right about being a mother, a struggle to keep the lid on the sanity jar and not have the craziness spill out all over the place. There are days when it’s hard to get by and I’m not sure that we’ll have a roof over our head or dinner on the table. As a single mother, those are the days that I doubt my own decision making abilities and wonder what the heck I’m doing in a strange city with no familial support and only cursory community ties.
But then, I am reminded of how it was tough when we were little and how you had to decide which grocery store to go to based on which one you hadn’t bounced the last check with. I remember those days of only having one pair of shoes a year (my children currently only have one pair of shoes each, too) and not having the trendy, cool stuff the other kids had. Those memories are not that deeply tucked away yet and as easily accessible as opening the top drawer of the dresser in my mind.
Yet, there are also the memories of delicious, home cooked dinners eaten around the table with exciting dreams and plans being pulled from the air between you and dad. The years of observing and working your fingers to the bone that conditioned you to build the thriving business you have now. There are the memories of cutting a Christmas tree from the forest and the realization I only had a few weeks ago that it was cheaper to go and cut a tree rather than buying one from the lot in town. But what memories those were! The snow and the boots and hot chocolate and the trudging through the waist deep drifts to get to that perfect tree! And the snow angels! Who could forget the beauty of children making snow angels in the pristine forests of Wyoming.
Remember the stairs that dad made one year in that hill over near Slaughter House? Those were the absolute coolest things I had ever seen and I can only hope that one day, he takes my own kids there and shows them that amazing trick too.
And so it goes, I guess. The turning of the wheel, the progression of the seasons and the years. As I age, so do you. And as my children age, so do I. I am starting to notice how you’re getting older and I worry about you and dad traveling like you do. I worry that you work too hard and at the same time, I’m grateful for the work you do, for the help you are able to provide me and the kids. I am grateful in this moment for you, grateful for that which you taught me and hopeful that I can live up to the standards that you have set.
Which brings me back to joy. There is much joy in raising children: the laughter, the tears, the skinned knees and the sibling rivalry. The ability to love another person without hesitation, without boundaries, with limitless opportunity. The joy in living and being. After all, we are human beings, not human doings, therefore we need to spend as much time as we can “be”-ing. Which means loving our children, cherishing their pasts and eagerly anticipating their futures. Lessons I have taken from you.
I love you, mom.
Ashley
Dear Mother:
I wake you up too early in the morning, anxious to share with you an exciting thought or story. I demand pleasing, and often unhealthy, food before you've had to so much as start the coffee maker or rub the sleep from your eyes. I leave crumbs on the table and clothes on the floor, toys on the carpet and pee on the toilet.
I can't do a lot for myself and don't want to do what I can. I don't always obey. I often complain, throw fits and whine.
And yet you love me. I can see it in your eyes. That twinkle that shines when I give you a random hug. The way you will drop everything just to read a book or play a game. The way you really listen to my tales and don't utter a meaningless "uh-huh." You tickle and wrestle even when you're tired. You give that extra hug at night and blow kisses from the doorway. You delight in me!
I don't know how I know it, but nevertheless, I know that I will always be your child and you will never stop loving me. Thank you!
Love,
Julie
Dear Mother,
Thank you for showing me how to be a good Mother. Every time I find myself standing at the crossroads of motherhood thinking what should I do, your voice always pops in my head. I will be forever grateful for the kind of mother that you were to me. You showed me by example how to love unconditionally, you showed me how to put others before yourself, you showed me how to love yourself. While each morning that my eyes open my heart re breaks when the memory that you are no longer living on this earth hits me, I also know that I am ok. I can be a good mother, because of you. As I look at my three kids faces as they change and grow , and even start showing signs of adulthood, I am so very grateful that I am their mother. It is an honor to be a mother, a gift from God. There are always hard times with the title, but the good always override the bad. I have learned to hug harder, love deeper, and laugh longer with my kids. I will cherish every single day of motherhood, and someday "grand motherhood". I love being a mom, and I loved being your daughter. I hope that you are looking down on us mommy,, I miss you so badly. I know that I am a almost 33 year old mother to two teenagers and a 9 year old, but I will always be my my Mothers baby. RIP
Love,
Shelia
Dear Mother,
When my son was born, and he had seizures, and we subsequently found out that he'd had a bilateral stroke, we were devastated. We panicked. We grieved. And then, we got ourselves together and by the time he came home from the NICU, we'd arranged for therapy—he was at risk for not walking, not talking, mental retardation, you name it.
Today, he has defied the odds. He walks, he's bright, he's outgoing, he communicates. He's got his challenges, but nowhere near what the doctors said he will.
I tell you this because from my experiences I've learned one important thing: You are your child's biggest cheerleader. It's your love, encouragement, support and "YAY! You did it!" words that give children the confidence and the motivation to succeed. When your child needs help, sometimes YOU will be the one to find the exact right resource or right tactic. And sometimes, you will need to convince others that your child is just as wonderful and as full of possibilities as you think he is.
Always have confidence in your abilities as a parent, and have confidence in your child, because you ARE that child's best cheerleader.
Dear young Mother,
There are few things in life as demanding and as rewarding as raising young children. There are days where your sweet child will love you to death. There are other days where your sweet child will bug you to death. After hearing “Momma, momma, momma” a hundred times, you’ll be ready to change your name to anything but Momma! Just remember that this precious child of yours is tugging on your shirt and pulling at your leg — because they love you, they want you, they need you.
Your children cling to you because you’re their stability in their unsteady world. They call you because they know you’ll have an answer. They pull you to themselves because they know that you can provide comfort.
These are the things a mommy does: We love, we cherish, we comfort, we guide, we teach, we nurture, we feed, we clothe, we bathe, we answer questions, we kiss boo boos, we hold, we hug, we forgive, we discipline, we train, we give. It’s often thankless, repetitive, and less than glamorous. It’s also rewarding, fulfilling and a blessing.
Sometimes we have to remind ourselves of these things. Sometimes more than once a day. When you’re up to your ears in mayhem or bodily fluids its hard to see how important your job is.
Remember that motherhood is more than dirty diapers and breaking up fights. As a mother, you’re growing up a tiny little person who is growing right before your eyes and will be ready to leave home before you know it. Every day, each moment is an opportunity to plant something in that tiny little person’s heart that will stay with them forever.
Remember that this season of motherhood shall pass, and open the doors to a new season with new challenges. We need not rush through this stage in our child’s life or merely try to survive it - we need to cherish the good moments, treasure them in our hearts, and enjoy this phase as much as possible.
Remember that God says our children are a blessing from the Lord, and that as a mother, you are blessed. When we serve and love our children, we also serve and love our God. The trials of motherhood are not only opportunities to train our children, but they are opportunities to grow in the Lord as well.
Remember that you are not alone. You have friends and family that see the work you are doing, that appreciate your efforts. There are mothers everywhere who are going through the same trials and successes that you experience each day. There are mothers who have already been where you are and are now facing new trials and missing these younger years. And Jesus is always with us, answering our calls in the middle of the temper tantrums, potty training and dirty laundry we can’t seem to catch up on.
Young mother - you will never be alone, your work is not in vain, and you are loved.
God bless you,
Amber
This is very raw. I have been thinking about doing this all day, since I happened upon your website, weeping off and on, and now that I have finally had time to sit down and do this, I feel so much better. I hope this helps someone out there, but it may not be what you're looking for. Thank you for letting me share and for doing such a wonderful thing for your wife, and mothers everywhere.
Dear Mother,
A few weeks ago, I realized that I miss you. Before, all I could see was the pain. My heart was full of anger, and the sting of the pain was more than I could see beyond.
And then I remembered.
I had forgotten so many things about you. Over tea with a dear friend, I started talking about the old days, the crazy days of my childhood, all the laughter, all the love and pain and confusion of being a kid and growing up and being a teenager. And of course, all the secrets. The secrets that destroyed you.
I had forgotten so many things.
I had forgotten how funny you were. You did impressions. I had forgotten that. You sung to us and did silly characters and voices for us kids, things that you never did around anyone else. You were your most comfortable with us kids. And why not? We were once a part of you. And now I’m a mother, and I’m the same way with my kids, most comfortable. I remember one time, we were sitting up in your room and I was on the bed and you were sitting on the floor, wearing a sombrero, singing in a goofy falsetto and I was laughing; and then Dad walked in, and you suddenly had to be someone else.
I had forgotten how much fun I had with you. Watching old Elvis movies. Sneaking a midnight snack. Letting us stay up all night when Dad was out of town. You were a master prankster. Remember that time you took us to Dad’s work and had us fill up his car with newspaper and balloons? Now I do stuff like that to my husband.
I had forgotten that there are all these little bits and pieces of me that came from you.
I had forgotten how you were my best friend. I told you everything, everything, down to every stupid little school girl crush and every whim and hope. You knew everything about me. Of course you did, you were my mother. But I never really knew who you were. I don’t think you ever did either.
Now I remember.
Did you forget that you would miss out on the moments, the many infinitely delicate, delicious, precious moments of your grandchildren’s lives? You left behind 8 grandchildren, all very young, some barely walking, two yet to be born, and more to be conceived. How could you go, knowing you would miss it all? What will we tell them, when they ask where Nana has gone? My own Ruthie, waiting to be born, how could you miss it? She’s looks just like me, when I was a baby. I can’t believe you’re not here to see her head full of hair, just like mine when I was a baby, and big blue eyes, taking in the world. Did you forget that your daughters need your guidance as they made their way through motherhood and womanhood? That your sons need you as their confidante? Did you forget that you are a mother, and a mother would never leave her children?
I know life was so hard for you. You were only 47, but do you remember that day, not long before you left us, you told me that you felt old. Boy, I thought, I hope when I’m 47, I don’t feel old. I hope when I’m 47, I’ll be enjoying my grandchildren with the zest of life that a 47-year-old should still have. But at 47, you were just a shadow. Sometimes, going through old pictures, I stumble upon one of you at some family gathering, and I am startled to think that you were there, because I can hardly remember you being there. Towards the end, the last few years, you were always away from the excitement, a quiet spectator watching from a dark lonely corner. It was like you were already gone. You had given up. You stopped living far before you finally chose to leave us.
In the letter you left us, you told me that I distanced myself from you, but it was you who distanced yourself from me, and the rest of us, insulating yourself from the rest of the world, with the many and varied tactics and substances that would dull the pain, that unbearable pain that you couldn’t face. We continue on, those of us left behind, through this world of pain and joy, tears and laughter, taking the bad with the good. We continue to make our way through the world without you, carrying with us the immense sadness that is your legacy.
But we will remember. The anger and pain will fade away, and we will remember. And we will be glad for the time we had together.
I know you continue to exist. I can’t fathom where. I know it is not Hell, because for you Life was Hell. I can’t fathom that it is a beautiful happy place, where you are now, but I can hope that the pain has subsided. May you rest in peace, Mother.
Love,
Andrea
Dear Mother,
As I tuck four girls into bed tonight I cannot help but smile.
Ten years can make all the difference in the world.
I was alone ten years ago, or so it seemed.
I wasn't of course, Jesus was there beside me guiding me so very gently I could hardly feel his touch.
Healing, encouraging, protecting, bringing me home.
Then my first little girl Emmy was born and life began to change.
Now, I am anything but alone ~
~ My days are filled to the brim with little voices, outstretched arms, eyes bright and new to life.
Little new eyes that make me see things anew through their wide open gaze out into the blue, blue sky.
Or the gleaming green grass.
Little bugs on hands, that amaze and delight, licking the bowl clean after baking cakes, crunching leaves under our feet, running after twinkles to make wishes with.
I never thought I would be this unselfconcious, this strong, this captivated by a beautiful vision, of a place I want my children to always remeber.
A memory box of happy childhood moments, filled with love and joy and truth.
It has brought me to the edges of myself and beyond this loving another more than your own life thing.
Having a child in your arms, staring into your face with absolute love and trust.
The more I give my own understanding up, to follow the path God has set for me, the more he seems to draw me beyond my limits.
I feel completly fragile aware of how lost, weak and fallible I am alone.
Yet..."Thou hast enlarged my steps under me, that my feet did not slip."Psalm 18: 28-30, 32, 36
For every step he has led me he has given me a little more for the undertaking.
I am so overwhelmed and thankful for this life He has given to me.
These's lives He has entrusted to my care.
He knew exactly what I needed. He knew how to draw me out of myself.
This family is so precious to me it's the foundations of my world. My heart, every breath.
They are everything to me.
I love them so much.
I ache when I am away from them.
I take so much joy in each smile, each time I am able to comfort and hold them close. Each little thing they say fills my heart with joy I can't express.
Motherhood, though maybe seen as a small vocation; has brought me so far. It overwhelms and humbles me to a capacity I had never known before.
Pure and limitless.
Beyond the frailty of myself.
I thank God every day for these gifts. I pray to be worthy of them.
Dear Mother,
Ma, Thank you. Of all the gifts you've given to all the many people whose life you have changed, and they are many, I know I am the luckiest of all. You gave me more of yourself than you knew you had, I've always known that. Now, with my children, I hope I have so much to give.
Ma, Thank you. Of all the teachings you've shared with me through my life, one has been consistent. Always be ready to be there for your children. When life was falling down around you, I didn't know. I hope I have the same resolve and confidence with my children.
Ma, Thank you. You've said the one thing you did right was to make sure your children would be okay if you died tomorrow. Well, we can cook our own food, we take care of us and our families, we can do all we need to do to survive, but we would not be okay. You are our Ma and we need you. If you were gone tomorrow, a piece of me would be gone, too.
I love you, Ma. And Ma, Thank you.
Your daughter,
Jen
Dear Mother,
The word "step". I don't know what exactly it means in relation to family but I can tell you, it's precious to me. With out "step" I wouldn't have you. And I without you, I wouldn't be me.
I can't imagine what would have possessed you to make a young man and his baby daughter as your family, but I am sure glad you did. You did more than make us your family, you made us A family.
So much of the good I have in me, my optimism, caring nature, strong sense of self, and so many other virtues, I got from you.
I remember when I found out I was going to be a mom, my first reaction was I hope I'm as good as her. Over and over again, when I've been unsure of what to do, I've thought, "what would she do?".
You've been my saving grace, my best friend, my confidant, my sparing partner, my hero, but most of all you've been my mom.
I love you.
Jen
Dear Mother,
So often, I hear new moms talk about the 'firsts'. The first tooth, the first steps, the first smile. As my children are getting older and range in age from 15 to 2 yrs, I can't help but reflect on the 'lasts'.
The last time I was able to carry my son in my arms. The last time I nursed my sweet Emma, (now 2 and weaned). The last time I tucked in my 15 yr old...? The last time we read 'love you forever'? (my 10 yr old's favorite bedtime story).
"Last times" come and go silently. Like a thief in the night. Had I known I was facing a 'last time' I most certainly would have lingered in the moment. But I was so unaware. And now, I cannot remember it.
I only know that it was here and gone...and now my 'babies' have graduated onto new adventures. I guess in every stage of life, as so in motherhood, you learn to eventually slow down long enough to take it all in. you learn to 'ask', "is this a last time"?
Please mother, try to do this more...as you watch your children grow, remember that they are only going to be this age once... and then it is gone.
Capture the magic before Thomas the train turns into 'Hannah Montana'...turns into 'I need the car keys mom'...ugh.
I am so blessed to be a mom. I get to help God make little people become big people. :) I want to do it right. And I don't want to miss out on a thing; the 'firsts' or the 'lasts'.
Have a merry Christmas. and CHERISH.
Dear Mother,
Once upon a time I was a new mom with friends who were new mom's, reading new mom magazines telling me to do this or that, and friends and random strangers giving me advice about this and that, all of it overwhelming and contradicting.
And then one mom, with kids the age mine now are, gave me some advice that I cherished and stuck with and she was right, so very right. I want to share that same piece of advice with you:
Stop worrying. Your perfectly normal child will not still be in diapers when he is off to college. She will not still be using a pacifier or sucking her thumb when she gets married. He will still be able to read at 14 whether he starts at 2 or 9. Know that you are the mother God gave to your child and you know that child better than anyone else--her doctor, his grandparents, her teacher, and the random stranger in the store. Trust God and trust your instincts. If you feel something is really wrong then do something about it, regardless of how silly others may think you, you are probably right. If others say something is wrong and you really don't think so then trust your instincts, you are probably right.
Another thing, love your husband. No matter how hard a day you have had, make sure you show him your love and don't go to bed angry. It is the very best thing you can do for your child, and in fact, for yourself. In 12 years of marriage I spent a lot of time complaining about what my husband didn't do instead of telling him thank you for what he did do, it happens easily and subtly, especially when you have little ones around all the time. Discontent seeps in easily. Don't let it. Deliberately love your husband. Your children will bless you for it.
Do the next thing, know your kids, and love your husband. The early years seem like the last forever until suddenly you are through them and time passes SO quickly when you are. Love your family and take care of yourself by not worrying and not complaining. Focus on doing the very next thing when things get overwhelming and you will get through. Love your kids and love your husband and don't let what others say get you down. Remember, God gave this family to you to nurture and cherish, you are the best wife and mother for this family regardless of what mistakes you make (and you will) this is where He placed you and you can trust Him to know what He is about.
Love,
Heather
Dear Mother….
I have the privilege of being a mother to 2 wonderful children, and most of the time I take them for granted. I forget to live in the moment of smiles, and stories and sticky fingers and instead live in the business of a very harried life. I am blessed to be called Mom by these genuine creations of wonder and mystery and joy.
My children teach me daily to stop and take time to address the little things in life. It is far less important that they have smooth and straight hair, or a perfectly matched outfit, than it is that they know that they also wear my heart on their head and that I intend for my love to protect them each and every day, in every situations.
I need to remember that “story” time is more important than “me” time and that I will have plenty of time to sleep when my children have their own homes and mine is finally too quiet. I constantly remind myself that little hands are for helping and not messing and that my voice and my temperament are far greater influences on my children’s outlook that I ever remember at the time.
My worst faults come to light in the early night when I have to think back over my day and find too many examples of when I had to put my children at a lower priority than they should have been. Or when I let my adult difficulties get in the way of creating their happy memories; when I chose to wash dishes instead of play baby dolls; when I didn’t see the glory in a freshly mopped bathroom floor and only saw the mess of the bathwater outside of the tub. In the days when I could only cry because I had not showered in days, was covered in fluids that were not mine, and couldn’t console my children with all of the want in my body.
My children need me to teach them the ways of the world, how to navigate the mean streets of adolescence and the missteps of early love. My children need me to teach them to navigate the intricacies of algebra and the nuisances of social graces. More than that, I need my children to teach me and open my heart to being a willing pupil. Bear with me, I am learning, and I am trying to get better.
My children need less things and more time – time to laugh, time to learn, and time to grow. How do you teach them to hold your hand and protect them from dangers only to turn them loose in the same dangers to hold someone else’s little hand down the road? Do you open their eyes to wonders unknown if all they will know is all you have known?
Maya Angelou once said, "You did then what you knew how to do and when you knew better, you did better."
This moment will soon be gone and another moment will take its place. If they were easier to manage, motherhood wouldn’t be known as the hardest job you have ever loved. But it is only a moment and when it is too much to bear, you won’t remember it when it is gone. Nothing worth having is worth getting for free, and I will fight through monsters and milestones, missteps and thanksgivings to be able to give it all for my kids. Remember that moments are memories. The simple moments that I can give my children will be sewn together with the threads of our family into a quilt of protection that I can only hope to cover myself with one day.
To my own Mother – I am eternally grateful for the sacrifices that you made for me. You believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. My heart grew of your heart and although I was not the easiest child a mother could have. I know what I know about being a mother from you – how to balance, and provide, and laugh and cry.
To my sisters – You are all mothers of your own families. You are strong, committed, engaging and dedicated to raising your own children every day. Although I may not have had the privilege of knowing your mother, I know that she also provided the guidance and direction that you are trying to instill in your kids. I can only encourage you to love them to pieces, even when you think you have nothing else to give. Pick the battles that are worth fighting and remember that you can let everything else go. Each in your own way bring a focus and a clarity to my own life and I am stronger for the love that you bring.
To my own children – whom I love with my whole being - May I provide to you an example that you will always want to follow.
“I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, As long as your living, my baby you’ll be.”
Dear Mother,
“Without charity external work is of no value, but anything done in charity, be it ever so small and trivial, is entirely fruitful inasmuch as God weighs the love with which a man acts rather than the deed itself.
He does much who loves much. He does much who does a thing well. He does well who serves the common good rather than His own interests.
...he who has true and perfect charity seeks self in nothing, but searches all things for the glory of God." Thomas a' Kempis, Imitation of Christ
I read these words and it makes me think about what a Godly mother really does. Mostly mother's do the small, trivial, daily, routine stuff of life. These words show me that, in God's sight, these are fruitful deeds because we do them in love. The love we have for God and our families.
When the babies are tiny and we change diapers, wash and dress little bodies, tenderly caring for their every dependent need - fruitful deeds.
When small children, with wide-eyed wonder bring little tokens of affection - dandelions, frogs, snakes - to share with mom, we pause and marvel - fruitful deeds.
Gently caring for injured bodies or injured souls, soothing physical and emotional pains - fruitful deeds.
Correcting, for the tenth time (at least), unkind words, acts of aggression - fruitful deeds.
Training growing children, schooling them for life - spiritual as well as earthly, preparing them to live here on earth and the Kingdom to come - fruitful deeds.
How this list could grow and seem to never end revealing all the ways a mother ministers to her children, yet from my Father I need to grasp one truth. May I truly understand that these small, trivial things bring Him glory and is how I advance God’s kingdom.
In Jesus,
Nancy
http://www.mom2six-treasures.blogspot.com/
Dear Mother,
Its so easy to forget....
I was 8 months pregnant... and not a maternal feeling anywhere. Zilch. Nadda. Nothing. I was worried. I baby-sat a friend's small child around that time and only felt impatience and irritation. Now I was really worried. What kind of mother could I be if THIS is how I felt about kids??!! It stuck with me. It was a burden.. yeah on top of the actual physical burden I was carrying!
And then it happened. In an instant. She came into my life.... Twelve hours of labor, a near vacuum birth.... but out she came, my firstborn. And in a nano second, everything changed. Everything.
The maternal feelings flooded me from head to toe, inside and out. Feelings of love, joy, hope, protection, care... My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest. I had never in my life experienced such a raw, full, deep flood of emotions. I saw the same thing happening in my husband's face and eyes as well. It was and is still such a priceless memory.
You see, its a God-thing. All that worrying for nothing. My daughter was the most amazing gift I could have ever imagined. A good and perfect one from Above. And God knew what I needed when I needed it most. And He still does.
Its just so easy to forget that.
There are moments now, even days, when I forget ... my maternal feelings squelched by everyday life.. marital stress, lack of sleep, constant whining, disobedience, wasted time, messes, more messes, and enough questions to send anyone to the "farm" if you know what I mean...
But then I look into their eyes, yes there are two little gifts now, and I remember. And I smile. And sometimes I repent. And sometimes I get off the dang computer and go play blocks for the 15th time today.
And I remember the Giver of these gifts. And remember He still gives these gifts... gifts of patience, peace, rest, long suffering, supernatural alertness, love, joy, and remembrance of the things past.
I don't ever want to forget that.
Chelsea
Dear Mother,
I've been a mother for five years now and I finally understand you. I understand why you did the things you did, why you raised us the way you did. I may not agree with the methods you used and you may not agree with the methods I use, but I know, deep down, I am the mother I am because of YOU.
I can't imagine being a mother without my own mother to guide me along, how hard it must be for you to not be able to lean on your mother the way I lean on you. You've been with me through my darkest days and my brightest moments, and for that I thank you.
I love you mom.
C
Dear Mother,
Sometimes I enjoy my daughter so much I feel silly. She elicits so much joy that it's hard to contain. I really want to understand why, but I need to quit that and just enjoy her and the feelings.
She needs me a lot. She crawls on the floor and says, "Mama mama mama." But I'm washing dishes. I'm making dinner. I'm cleaning. I'm on the computer again. Thank God for the Ergo so I can wear her and continue to complete the tasks while meeting her needs.
Lately, I have been awed by how slow the moments seem to move and yet how quickly time passes us by. The moments of joy and frustration last forever. But days and weeks end so quickly.
I pray that I stop to enjoy them and treasure the good and bad moments in my heart.
May we all treasure those moments.
Hugs for all,
Rachel
(Originally posted on my blog under the title Not Enough Time in the Day)
Dear Moms of Young Children,
I’m in your shoes, and I feel like it’s time for a service announcement. What better time than Advent for me to send you a little love? It’s my gift to you, with hugs on top for no extra charge.
So here goes…grab a cuppa your favorite steaming beverage and have a seat…
You’re doing enough. Really. Cuddle those kids, hug your hubby, savor the kisses. You’ll have time on your hands all too soon…and if God’s calling you to something, he’ll keep at it. It seems, in my life, that God calls me to do less and to be more. “Do less stuff and be more present for your kids, Sarah.” “Worry less about how things will get done out there and focus more on what your vocation in here is, Sarah.” “Hey, Sarah, have you thought about the dishes – or dinner – lately? Because, well, that is part of the deal here.” (I’m sure God is much more polite than the voice in my head, actually.)
There’s not enough time in the day, no matter how much we do. There’s always more – more laundry, more dishes, more picking up, more, more, more. When you’re a mom, and especially (it seems to me now) when you have young children, there’s just not enough time.
I’ve heard other groups complain about this too. The retired folks I know – who should have all the free time in the world, right? – seem to be up to their ears in busy-ness. The empty nesters, those with high schoolers, the couples with no kids, the single lads and lasses – everyone is busy, busy, busy.
But really, it’s not a competition for who’s the busiest. My conclusion, after careful thought over about thirty cups of coffee this morning (mostly decaf because I like it when the infant sleeps), is that all of us are busy. It’s a shared boat. The people who aren’t busy live in the mythical land of Oz, or maybe at the North Pole in the off season.
I’ve noticed, though, that we – meaning women, because I can’t speak for the men at this point – can’t seem to do enough. It doesn’t matter how many kids are running around the house, how many hours of volunteering we do on the weekends, how many service projects we have going at one time – we always seem to feel like we should do more.
Why is this? Is it us? Is it some crazy expectation that’s out there in the ether, pushing us until we all have nervous breakdowns or quit everything completely? I’m not sure, but I know this: when you’re a mom with young kids, you’re doing enough. Raising those kids is enough. Surviving day-to-day is enough. Why does there have to be more? Is that the Spirit or is it society?
I’m not saying you can’t do more, so please don’t read this that way. I’m just offering some reassurance in more than one place today. Having said this to a friend earlier – and having her thank me for relieving her of the burden of more – I wanted to say it to you too (or maybe just me, because you know by now that this is just a fancy way of talking to myself, right?).
So, Moms of Young Children, enjoy the anticipation of Advent. Yeah, you can. Collar a young kid in the vicinity and watch their eyes when you drive down a country road after dark and you go past the Griswold house, lit to the sky with lights. Pinch your hubby under the mistletoe and think about how much more handsome he is now that he’s Daddy than he was when you first met him. Throw on some perfume and some big girl shoes and play dress-up. Why not? There’s plenty of time for all the rest, but these years – these years with little fingers and toes, these moments of wonder and enchantment – they’re not going to last long if you don’t make some memories!
Hugs and blessings,
Sarah
Dear Mother,
I never thought I wanted to be a mother. Growing up I didn't seem to have that mothering instict that my sister or many friends had. I was a tomboy and more interested in my blue dirtbike than the latest dolls. My sister would talk about wanting to be a mommy, I would just say, "Not me, I have other plans."
I went to college, got a job and travelled the world. Still, there was something missing in my life. Suddenly, as I began to reach my late 20's, I realized how I wanted a family. I longed for a husband and would cry when I saw daddy's holding their little girl's hands.
At 29, I did get married. But I believed that my lifestyle up to that point would prevent me from ever having children. Suddenly, my arms just felt empty without a baby to hold.
My husband and I were overjoyed once we started trying and within a month we got that little pink line. Wow, I was overwhelmed with this new journey that was to become my life. We began planning and decorating and working out a part time work schedule for me.
Then, Feb. 8, 2006 happened. I had to have an emergency c-section and as they wheeled her around and I saw my little girl for the first time, all I could say was, "Praise God from whom all blessings flow!" I began crying in the surgery room thinking of leaving that little angel with anyone else, my heart sank although I would not have to return for another 12 weeks to work. My husband asked if I wanted to stay home and all I could utter was an, "Uh huh." Just so filled with emotions I was. We decided then that I needed to raise her, even though I felt completely imcompetent and unworthy.
Now, as I look back on the nearly 3 years since that day, I am overwhelmed with joy at the change that has happened in me since those childhood days of not wanting children. How fortunate I am to have this blessing in my life, and another on the way in a matter of just hours. How empty my life would be without them in my heart and in my arms. And how thankful am I for these special blessings.
Love,
Amy
Dear Mother,
I wish you would have warned me about the tremendous amount of joy and pain that would reside within me everytime one of these children was born. You, mother, died when my first-born was 15 months old, he is now almost 15 years old. Why didn't you tell me the pride it would bring when he became taller me? And the fear that he will be leaving home before I will ever be prepared. Why didn't you tell me that daughters steal your heart with their beauty? And make you realize that there is so much to teach in so little time. Why didn't you tell me what it was like to have sisters? Now I have girls that love each other fiercly and sometimes conspire quietly. Why didn't you tell me that little boys have the ability to make you laugh while you are angry. I wish you were here to tell me all that you know; I only know that you would tell me, "pray about it", which is all I know to do.
There are four now...I only regret that there are no more. I wish you would have told me how much I could love. If you could, would you ask God to please bless me with children that need a home like ours. I have learned that this love has no bounds.
Love your daughter
Rachelle
Dear Mother,
Thank you for teaching me what it means to be a mother. Thank you for taking the time to guide me on this journey.
Who knew that when I became a mother, you would become my confidant, my guide, my voice of reason? I am so amazed at how close I feel to you now, closer than I ever imagined as a child. You are my best friend, the one I turn to when I have questions, the one I cry to when I am lonely, the one who holds me up when I am afraid.
You have shown me that I don't have to do it all myself. I can be a great mother without doing everything for my boys. That, in fact, I will be an even better mother if I share some of the parenting with my husband, even share some of it with you. I don't know everything, I don't have all the answers, so I need help. I need to rely on others. If I continue to do it all myself, I am not being fair to my children or myself. It is not failure to have help. In sharing my children with their father and grandparents, I am allowing them to have the world. They will learn so much more if they have more people who love them there to teach them.
Thank you for sharing me. Thank you for letting me become me, for not trying to make me you, for celebrating the differences. Thank you for helping me realize I need to do the same for my children.
And thank you for being there with me as I raise them.
I love you!
Love,
Lisa
Dear Mother,
My best friend....
I am a new mother of a 20 month old boy and a 4 month old girl and it's a journey I believe is and will be the most rewarding, stretching, growing, incredible and wonderful journey I will ever be on. So many days I feel as thought I fall short and have no buisness being a mom but when my head hits my pillow at night the day comes rushing back and I am overwhelmed with how blessed I am to have been entrusted with these two amazing children. I struggle with this season and feeling as though I am not serving others or able to be involved with a lot of activities but I am often reminded by my mother that my husband and children are who I am to serve in this season. It is amazing being a mother. You don't know until you are one and I think we have the most blessed job in the world. We are the nurturers, the heart of the home, the LOVE, and best friends...I am so thankful to God, to my mother and I pray we will all be mothers that raise up generations of godly sons and daughters.
Blessings dear sweet Mothers.....
Tara
Dear Mother, I'm a mother too. Earlier this year, at 48.5 years old, i became a mother -- I brought my daughter home through international adoption. Of three girls in my family growing up, I was the one accused of being boy crazy, and i was, at the time i guess. But I went on to school and more school and more school, then on to a job that kept demanding more of my time and kept giving me more prestige the more time i devoted to it. and my siblings all married and there I was, single and successful (whoop) but no social life (therefore no husband in the works) and wanting motherhood, praying for motherhood. well, I'm here now, with awesome husband (relatively recent) and beautiful daughter and wonderful life --gave up the high power job (the prestige was getting to me) for a kinder gentler job, and God is so good. When my husband walked in the door after work last night, i said "I baked Christmas cookies with my daughter." and then it dawned on me: that is the first time in my life that I've been able to say that! God bless you, and your husband who is pretty wonderful for coming up with this idea of the mother letter project. you must be an awesome woman as well. Ellen
Dear Mother, I wish I'd been given such a LOVING gift, I hope to gather and regift these letters to my daughters and daughter-in laws. But just love your child and diapline with love, answer All question to best of your ability. Alway Hug and kiss child (like you are dying) to barrow from popual song! As a child who loss my mother at 5 years of age I didn't have much to go on as example. Aunt Esther, Grandma Champlain, and wonderful aunts and uncle. But I believe I did good, I have 4 children,6 grandchildren, and 1 great grandchild. Whom i would move heaven and earth to make life easier for but STILL G-ma's Faith puts it best,The good Lord never gives you more than you can handle! Live each day in the PRESENT, the facy cars, houses, jobs aren't whats important : Time given to each child is what they need, that and a mom and dad who respect and LOVE each other is whats important! God Bless you, love Sandra
Dear Mother,
Mother, Mommy and Mama….I am called each one of these words almost daily. I know the voice of the one that calls me…I recognize the tone, the intensity and the curiosity of all 3 voices. I have come to recognize their needs, their love language and their incredible uniqueness that can only come from our Creator. I marvel at the fact that three “perfect” kids can come from 2 imperfect parents. We serve a mighty God! : )
This time of year is extra special to me, not just because it’s Christmas and we celebrate the birth of our Savior but because I became a mommy for the first time during the Christmas season. Six days before Christmas. On Christmas morning I dressed my baby boy in a Santa outfit. He was my best gift that year. I had no interest in opening presents. I wanted to play with him and just look at his sweet face and smell his sweet skin. We were young, in love and madly in love with our new little family!
It is almost surreal that my little boy will be seventeen this week. Yet I feel like it’s so right. So God ordained that he’s now a young man, wise, smart, funny and ready for the world. He makes everyone around him happy! He has from day one! He has big dreams and a lot of success waiting for him.
Two sweet, again unique, girls followed and completed our family. The joy that comes from motherhood and watching your children grow is indescribable. The joy from watching them mature, form their own passions, friendships and opinions is incredible. On the extreme side, the pain from watching children make mistakes, grow and learn lessons can often feel like a limb is being ripped off…or as they say, your heart being ripped out! God’s design for parenting was not to do it alone, it is designed to “cling to HIM” And boy, do I ever!
There is so much I want to teach my kids. Compassion for others, to dream big and to love each other…they do that so well now. I love watching their sweet relationship they each have with one another. Although there is sibling wrestling matches and word slinging often, they are tight! That is success number one! To sum it up, I pray that they fulfill the scripture says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind and love others as yourself.” The greatest commandment.
There is not a day that goes by I don’t pray for my precious babies. We have given them to the Lord from day we found out about them. He has great plans for them and I am honored to be called Mommy, Mom and Mama!
I just posted my letter on my blog, and I emailed it to you. Thanks so much for this opportunity!!!
Megan
Dear Mother,
The day I first found out I was going to be a mother I was so afraid. It was 2 days before my 21st birthday and I wasn't married. I remember driving to the house I grew up in to tell you and Daddy the news. You thought I was there to tell you I was getting engaged to the man I had been dating because the visit was so unexpected. I told you I needed to tell you something and you smiled at me and led the way upstairs. I dreaded every single step because I knew I was about to break your heart.
I told you the news and you cried. I couldn't even begin to think of how to tell my Daddy so you went downstairs and did it for me. And you told me years later that he cried too.
A few months after I broke the news to you I remember sitting at your kitchen table and I had been so sick. I had my head down and you asked me in a gruff voice what was the matter. I looked up at you and said, "Nobody is happy about this baby and it makes me sad because I should get to be happy...You should be happy."
From that moment on you treated my pregnancy and the baby in a different way. You began to tell people that you were going to be a grandmother with a huge smile on your face instead of acting as if we should hang our head in shame and not mention it.
You began to buy things for this new life and help me talk about it in a joyful way.
When my pregnancy took a turn for the worse and we were afraid of the outcome you were there with me at every doctor's appointment. When our precious Patrick was born you were there. You held his little 4 pound body and you loved him instantly. I think Patrick will always hold a very special place in your heart. Your first grandchild.
The second time I found out I was going to be a mommy I was happy. I had married a wonderful man and we weren't actively trying to have a baby but we weren't preventing it either. We had a uneventful pregnacy this time and you were so happy for us. Again, when our precious Josh was born...you were there and you loved him instantly.
The third time I found out I was going to be a mommy I was devastated. My life was in such shambles. I was so deep in sin and so far away from God. I had been having an ongoing affair and the baby was possibly a result of that affair. To cover up my sin I did the unthinkable and I had an abortion. Not a day goes by I don't regret that choice and grieve for the baby I don't have. After I got things right and God drew me back to him and poured out his grace on me I came to you and told you I had something to tell you. And...I broke your heart again with the news about the abortion I had. But...you were there.
The 4th time I found out I was going to be a mommy I sank to my knees and cried pure tears of joy as I said over and over again..."Thank you, Father God...Thank you."
We had been trying to have another baby and had prayed about it and whether or not it was God's plan for us. We had agreed to accept whatever God allowed to happen and that is why we didn't tell anyone we were trying to have another baby.
This time I wanted to wait and tell you at Thanksgiving but I couldn't hold it in. We were sitting in the parking lot of Wal-mart (of all places!) and I told you I had something to tell you. You almost didn't believe me and your face registered the shock of it when you realized I was serious. And you cried...wonderful tears of happiness that we were going to welcome in another little baby to our family. When our precious Colin was born...you were there.
I've made so many mistakes as a mother. Some I can work on correcting and some...I can never take back and I have to face that.
But, mother...you have always been there and I thank you for it.
You were not a perfect mother but you have loved me with a perfect love.
I hope I do the same to my children.
Love,
Kristin
Dear Mother,
I have not had the Gift of motherhood, nor that of marriage. I know in time that if it is HIS will it will come in His timing. ;-)
But I am the eldest of 10 children (I'm in my early 30's and the youngest is 10yrs), and with two of my siblings having nearly 8 children between them (my sister is due any day now!). So I do have some experience with children and the benefit of the years of experiences of my Mom that she would change if she could go back a few years.
I would say that the biggest two things are to stay close to Him who made each one and that He will never give us more then we can handle! Each child is a BLESSING and a GIFT from God!
The second thought would be to ENJOY your children and family. Don't stress over the mounds of laundry, undone dishes, etc.... ;-) they will eventually get done little by little. The chores will always be there, but your children are growing up each day and will be moving on to families of there own before you know it. Don't miss those precious moments with them!
And don't get so BUSY that you neglect your OWN FAMILY TIME! We don't HAVE to be going some place or doing something every day of the week!
Enjoy your family Dear Mother, and treasure every moment you have with them!
Jessica ;-)
Dear Mother,
I feel so inadequate writing this letter. My experience is little. I have an amazing little boy who is just 19 months old. Since I was a little girl all I ever wanted was to be a mother. Once I got there it was more then I bargained for. I have so much that I can and need to learn from others. I struggled for a long time with post partum, I struggle with being patient and can be easily angered. It’s been a frustrating journey to want to be a mom so bad and then have it be something that takes effort to enjoy. My heart breaks as I write that because it makes me feel awful. The greatest thing I have learned is to take this journey one day at a time, relax, breath, laugh at myself, ask for help, and everyday ask Christ to come and be apart of our journey. I pray God’s blessings upon you this Christmas. You are so incredibly blessed to have a husband that would come up with such a tremendous gift for you. I hope that you all will consider taking these letters and compiling them all into a book. What a beautiful gift!!
Blessings to you,
Jennifer
Dear Mother,
It wasn't as easy as it looked, was it? All around, it seemed as if babies came easily, as if they were the most natural consequence of love. And, yes, they are, but we learned a lot along the way, didn't we?
When pregnancy wouldn't happen, time after anxious time, year after anxious year? We learned to trust God, to open our thinking to His many ways of answering prayers, and to recognize how He had begun to prepare our hearts early on for the plans He would fulfill in us.
When, at last, we thought a baby would come but then we had to say goodbye to that dream, we wept and wondered and didn't understand. But we learned to trust Him more, to lean more heavily, to look to His face for strength and hope.
When we found that we couldn't do it all for our kids, that sometimes we would fail them, that sometimes they would fall? We learned that all the children really belong to The Lord, that they are all only on loan to us mamas and daddies, and that only He can truly direct their paths and make perfect their bodies and souls. We sat in our living room floor and lifted them up, gave them back to Him. It was the hardest thing we'd ever done -- and the single most freeing ever.
At last, and most of all, when we looked around us at the children who brighten our days and give us hope, who fill our hearts to overflowing? We learned that God's plans for our lives are far superior to our own plans. Every single time.
Truly, motherhood, in all its packages and forms, in all its intense pain and glorious delight, is God's way of telling us that He watches us and hears the pleas of our hearts.
Surely, it must be His way of telling us that He hopes, too.
Janera
Texas
Dear Mother,
As a first-time mother of a now five-week old baby, I am most struck
by how my daughter makes me appreciate the simple things in life.
Overwhelmed one day by the swirl of gifts that had arrived from
friends and family, I saw clearly how most of those heart-felt
gestures had missed the mark. A baby's needs are fairly simple: food,
attention, affection, a few warm clothes and a place to sleep. I
appreciate this afresh every day when my daughter looks into my eyes,
grasps my finger, or nuzzles in for a feeding.
I relish the simplest of moments for myself: two minutes to brush my
teeth while my husband keeps the baby calm in another room; ten
minutes to straighten up the house first thing in the morning before
she wakes up. My most meaningful moments since the birth have been
those in which I do the basic tasks of everyday living. Staying
focused on those, rather than on all the little things that don't get
done, adds sanity and perspective to each seemingly unproductive day.
Babies, like the holidays, bring out too much materialism in too many
people. What better forum than a mother letter intended to bypass
holiday materialism to publically state a vow I made to myself the day
I faced the pile of gifts: I want to atone for the items we received
by being involved in some community effort that helps parents in need
provide the essentials for living to their children. How we will fit
this in once my maternity leave ends remains to be seen. But my
daughter has helped me refocus on what I know to be important. That
is enough of a gift for me this holiday season.
Best wishes for a rich and meaningful life,
Kat
Dear Mother,
A few weeks ago someone told me that I could never understand how much she loves her son, because I am not a mother myself.
I thought about that comment, and I realize my friend is wrong. I do know all about a mother's love, because of you.
Mom, you are the best friend any girl could want. You have always been there for me, you have supported and encouraged me, and told me "no" when you had to and punished me if I was bad. You have said that you are so proud of me, proud of how strong and courageous I am, but Mom, I am the girl you raised me to be. I am the way I am because you loved me so much.
I wish that you could see my strength in yourself, because that's where it comes from. Passed down from mother to daughter.
I've been told i'm my mother's daughter, that I take after you. All I can say to that is... "good".
Always remember, I love you.
Robbi
Dear Mother,
I am bordering on that intoxicated state of exhaustion right now, when your speech begins to slur and you're not sure you could walk in a straight line if your life depended on it. And yet, I am up, awake, downstairs, on the computer.
After exchanging some short-tempered (on my part) words with my husband, he eventually got the hint that I just needed to be alone, and he graciously said goodnight.
I just get SO tired by the end of the day because of all the stimulus - the voices, the questions, the arguments, the smells and sights of raising five children. I've been awake for over 16 hours, and this is the FIRST chance I've had to hear myself think. And so although I am dead tired and fighting to keep my eyes open, I stay up.
I hear this from a lot of other mothers - the night owl attempts at actually hearing the mental wheels grind (instead of the roar of the nearby crowd). It's the blessed time just after everyone has gone to bed, and just before we begin to curse that same mental wheel for not turning off when we finally do wish to go to sleep. 10pm - midnight for me are some of the freest hours of my life.
Some day I know this will change, and I'm sure my body will appreciate my submission to a more appropriate circadian rhythm. But for now, while my children are still fairly young and the house is still fairly active at all their waking hours, I'll sacrifice some of my *sleeping* hours for a few minutes to think.
Always fatigued,
Stacey
Dear Mother,
You are not alone. You may feel alone. and overwhelmed. and inadequate. But you are not.
Even if it's just you and one precious little one.
You know better than most, that not all families consist of one dad and one mom and 2.5 (or 5.5) children. Sometimes, with heartbreak, it's just one mother and one child.
There's still all of the caring and cooking and cleaning and working and schooling and teaching and and and.
And most of all there's still all of the loving. Concentrate on that. Focus on the love you have - even if it is tired and raises it's voice too much.
You are absolutely perfect. The best and most wonderful choice for the precious bundle - who is growing up way too fast. You are the ideal mother for that little one. Treasure today and treasure this moment. Make the most of it and don't look back. Look forward. and look up.
Bow down and look up to a wonderful and awesome Lord. He knows where you are and how you are and how beautiful you are as a mom.
And then you'll remember, there's more to this family than two. You are not alone.
May God bless and keep you,
Penny
the email address that you have for me is correct.......kris.mowry@gmail.com
Can't wait to see the finished product!
Dear Mother,
My love for my kids is bigger than I could ever describe. I can only pray for them each day and hope that I am doing the best I can as a Mother.
Love,
Colleen
Dear Mother,
To be the best mother you can be means many things, among them all here are the ones I feel are most important:
1.You will be a better mom if you allow yourself to have "me" time. A relaxed and rested mom has more patience and will be able to give more of yourself.
2. Remember that before you are Mommy , you are a wife. Show your daughters how to honor and love their husbands. Set your Son's standards high for his bride.
3. Don't worry about perfection,just do what you can, everything is seasonal.
4. Someday your children will be self sufficient and sleep all night. Even if this seems like a dream in the early years, you will miss this time. Kids grow quickly.
5. Don't waste one precious moment of today worrying about tomorrow.
6. When a unexpected guest comes remember that they came to see you, not to look inside closets and under the couches. So relax and enjoy the moment. (see #3)
7. Let the kids work with you, it builds their self esteem and they learn. So what if the cookies are ugly or if they don’t dust properly. ( Again See #3)
8. Take time to spend with your husband and don’t feel guilty.
9. It is ok to occasionally allow cereal for dinner or to let a kid to bed without a bath ( See #3 again)
10. Although ___________ may seem to have a perfect home and family, the grass is never greener, it just looks that way.
Dear Mother,
As I continue trudging through the holiday season as a "single parent" while my husband is deployed to the Middle East, I am reminded daily how important family is to all of us. There have been so many challenges over the last year that I have faced, but my family,and my husbands family,as well as my military family have ensured that I did not have to face it alone! Simple jestures like a reassuring word over the phone after a bad day, or taking the kids out for the afternoon so I can take a nap mean so much.
In addition, they have all made sure that we are not alone during the holidays, and that even though their daddy is gone, my kids will have a wonderful Christmas celebration.
I know that it is hard on the kids to not have their daddy around at their age (both under the age of 4) but I try so hard to remind them everyday that their daddy is doing such an important job making sure that other little kids get to go to school like they do and have lots of fun like they do and just remind them how much their daddy loves them and misses them!
This Christmas, just remember that no matter how crazy your family may seem, in the end family is all we have and they will always be there for us when we need them most!
Love,
Stacy
Dear Mother,
It was always my hearts desire to be a mother ever since I was a little girl playing with my baby doll. When my first child was born, a son, I was elated! My dreams were coming true. He was such a great baby, a fun and adventurous little boy and a loving and helpful big brother. He was a very good student, a great athlete and a son any mother would be proud of. I had dreams for my son; he would graduate from high school, maybe get a scholarship and, of course, go to college. Well, something happened during his sophomore year of high school, I still don't know what it was, but my son's grades started slipping and he wasn't getting the good grades that he once was. Eventually he graduated from high school, but guess what, he didn't want to go to college! Oh, the disappointment! I couldn't believe it, this wasn't my plan, this wasn't the way my dreams for my son were supposed to go. I was very sad. Then I realized something, it's okay that my son took a different path than I expected, than I had planned, than I had dreamed. He's still my son and he's doing really well on the path that he's chosen. I write all of this to say that you will have your dreams for your children, but things can still turn out fine even if they take a path that you didn't expect or plan. Merry Christmas!
Dear Mother,
Being a Mom is the one of the hardest job but the most rewarding thing you will ever do in your life.
As I write this I am reflecting on back on that first moment we know there is a life growing in us,
a first kick to hearing the first cry. Seeing that new baby and being scared silly as a new mom. Will
I do it right . Holding them the first time and smelling that sweet new baby smell.
Then watching them grow..memories that overlap and knowing we do,do it right for us and our kids.
What hits me as an older mom...Is how fast that time goes..and how many things become different in time.
Being a mom never ends...its never ending and to me Mother the best job ever. If your raise good people and
that's the goal. Then the job is done...and the rewards as our Kids grow are awesome.
Life happens and its a whirlwind at times. I know I use to think with the mounds of diapers, cloths to fold,and
things to do. I was so busy did I see it all...I did but in a blur. Now looking back at pictures...I have the memories
along with them.
When my kids were all teens..I found I had cancer..It was a grueling time of wondering if as a mom did I give them
enough? Did I train them up right? Did I teach them enough to survive if I was not here to do so? Even so I remember
slowing down to soak up every second daily with them, doing special things daily to be sure of it. I learned we have today
to make the best of being sure our kids know we love them and that is our best gift to them is our time given to them.
Do all you can one day at a time...break it down...Tomorrow doesn't matter as much as the here and now. They grow
so fast its amazing to me how much time flies and how fast as a mom.
Sometimes I would take those days back in a heartbeat..So much simpler. Now its the last one in college weddings and
things that they decide. I am learning as an older mom to stand back and watch the growth as I grow with them. I miss
the minutes old baby, dancing toddlers and smiles of a child who is learning and got the world infront of them. But life moves
swiftly on with new and wonderful things. Then its *Mom can I barrow the car!* Or * Mom can you spot me a 20?*
Then Mother something wonderful happens you share the birth of your first Granddaughter...and realize life is wonderfully
new daily. The circle grows and life seen as stages...is so strange. Stages never last and should not be seen as a time period.
Each child has a lovely gift to share with all of us. That makes life so special and grand.
I realize now being a mom was the best gift ever given to me..One that I wanted so deeply and that is so cherished. Firsts,
lasts and all everything in between. Growing with them daily is a blessing God gives us a Mom.
Many Blessings are before us Mother.
Cease the day and each one of them.
An Older Mom
I also sent an email. Now that I am home wanted to post this. Merry Christmas!
Dear Mom,
I want you to know how often I extol your creativity to anyone who will listen. I try to imagine the kind of mom that I will be. Sometimes I feel very out of sorts just trying to be a wife. I know that you had those days too. We are very alike in that way. But, I have very fond memories of growing up with you as my mom. You went above and beyond for us and put on many different hats in the process.
Zoo keeper-no one else in my class's parents volunteered to take home the fish and the snails. You even took care of whatever thingy they needed so they didn't eat their babies. You also let my friends come over to view our class pets.
Caregiver-for us and for ailing parents. You took them in without a second thought and I never heard you complain. I learned from you then and I will do the same for you and Joel's parents, though I may have difficulty not complaining with Helen here.
Party Planner-most moms would stop at cake and Ice cream. You went to great lengths to have themes and games and activities to go along with the parties. I remember you leading songs and games for my 4th birthday in Texas, you really got into it. I remember a candy party and my all-time favorite-the tea party.
Girl Scout Leader-You got into the ridiculous songs (I bet you could still sing a few), swaps and camping like no other mom. With each time we moved you made sure to find a troop for us so that we could adjust and make new friends. Thank You for that.
Taxi Driver-to swim meats and concerts. Other moms drove us around like it was a chore. You seemed to truly enjoy our company.
To be continued.......
Continuation
Beauty Consultant-If I had to guess I would say that this was your favorite job. You got into homecomings, then proms and finally weddings with a vengeance. Your advice was trusted and relied on more than you know. Di spite the tears over hair pulling and over a certain denim jacket with furry stuff.
Seamstress-I am continually amazed at what you can do with your hands. It seems that everything your hands find to do, you do it well. I remember flower girl dresses (that one was down to the wire), easter dresses, costumes, and alterations were all done perfectly.
Chef-I wish I had paid more attention while I was in your kitchen, before I got one of my own. I would goof up much less often. You made it seem so effortless. What is amazing is that despite alleged memory failings, I hardly ever saw you use a recipe. You know my favorite meal well. I tell everyone that my mom makes the best soups. ALL of them are amazing. Your potato soup with the dumplings is awesome and I adore the beef stew with the biscuits on top.
Friend-I have always felt like I could talk to you about anything. Now that I am grown I have really enjoyed our friendship and the rest of the walls coming down.
What is truly astonishing Is the fact that you juggled them all at once. I hope that when it is my time I will be able to do half as well. Mom you have set a good example of the sacrifices and constancy that are necessary to love the ones that you bring into this world. Thank you.
Love,
Sarah
Dear Mother,
Oh, the things I would say to you if you were still here.
First and foremost would be, “I am sorry.” Secondly (and a tight race for first) would be, “Thank you.” Of course, most people would say those things to their mothers. But they wouldn’t have the reasons that you and I have, would they?
I think you know why I’m sorry. And although I said it to you often enough when you were alive and we were trying to superglue our fragile porcelain trust back together, “I’m sorry” didn’t work. I’m not sure why. Then by the time it would have worked, we found we didn’t need it after all. The sins were forgiven, and the hindsight we had made “I’m sorry” insignificant. Trivial. These days, I find that I’d still like to say it to you anyway. Until death’s finality had claimed you, I didn’t know so many things about you. I truly didn’t know how very much you loved me. So the “I’m sorrys” of the past didn’t have the weight they would now. They were the flippant “I’m sorrys,” the ones that meant, “Lay off. I’m trying, can’t you see?” Now five years after becoming a mother myself (and four years after becoming an orphan), my “I’m sorrys” would be full of regret and weight, knowing all the things I did to you that cracked your heart wide open. “I’m sorry” is the repentance I need to give you. This time, I hope you accept it so I can cleanse my heart and soul. I have a childish need to feel your forgiveness, to know you have let the grudges go.
On the heels of “I’m sorry” comes exasperating gratitude in the words, “Thank you.” Oh, Mom. I didn’t know! Really. I thought you gave of yourself because that’s just what you did. I had no idea that you gave of yourself because you had no other choice: we kids sucked it out of you. I had no idea it was the calling of ALL mothers. And I had no idea that you lost yourself in the process. I’ve been fighting that for years now. Not that I don’t want to be a mother like you, but because I’m afraid that if I let the children suck me dry, I’ll have nothing left when they’re gone. So, thank you. For all the nights you spent cleaning up my puke. Thank you for nursing us when breastfeeding wasn’t popular. For staying married to Dad. For revolving around me, my friends and hobbies. Thank you for teaching me to write. For making our house a home. For saying no. For giving me faith. Thank you for letting me have my way. For all the times you helped me spread my wings, even when you knew that doing so meant you were losing me. Thank you for surviving three children, a divorce, your son’s cancer, and your own illnesses. In doing so, you taught me how to be strong.
I didn’t know that when you raised me, you were channeling your own mother. And probably your mother’s mother. Because when you become a mother, you rely on the child-rearing knowledge that you already have, which is your own mother’s rearing of you. I didn’t know this until five years ago, when She came into my life. Now I hope and pray that I can model for her what you modeled for me: strength, grace, friendship, commitment, sacrifice and love.
What I wouldn’t give to ask you if you felt this same way (like you’re losing your mind one day and completely head over heels in love the next). I have a feeling you did feel the same, but I wish you could tell me the stories in your own words. And, oh! How I wish you could meet my daughter and son, and they could meet you. I’d like to hear you say what great kids I have, because they are pretty amazing. They are your continuation, the culmination of the years of frustration and heartache, joy and love you put into civilizing me.
So, I’m sorry, Mom. And I’m also grateful. I am who I am because of you. And my children will be who they will be because of you too. The circle continues, like a big spiral of life. Thank you for linking me to my past, and your past too.
I love you. And I miss you.
Elizabeth
Mother,
Cherish the gift of carrying a baby. Only you can make this one life. It is always a miracle, always God's gift. Know that every mother is special and scared and over their head! Ask for help, strive for the best and know God will cover your imperfections.
Love mother of baby in Jesus's arms.
I'm coming to this a bit late, but I can't resist...such a lovely gift.
Dear Mother,
Almost four years ago, I held my infant firstborn son in my arms and realized that I missed him already.
Seems crazy, right? I mean, he was only a few weeks old, with years and years of cleaning up, feeding, and generally being responsible for him ahead of me yet.
But at that moment, with that sweet head nestled in the crook between my neck and shoulder, whimpering and frantically stuffing his little fist into his mouth as I sat up in bed swaying and jiggling him, I felt suddenly how separate and other he was. This tiny child, still dependent on me for sustenance, for comfort, was - is - not really my own, and every day, every year will only make him less and less my own.
I didn't understand this, before that moment. When I was pregnant, I wanted so much to see my baby, to hold him, to serve him. I didn't understand that birth would be an end as well as a beginning, and the beginning of a lifetime of endings and beginnings.
God gives us these children. He fills us, molds us into a perfect shelter which can provide for all of their needs. When you are pregnant, you are the ultimate nurturer, without intention or omission, providing warmth, nourishment, comfort, shelter.
Then, your baby is born into the world. And sometimes, you are helpless. As I am helpless. I can't always comfort my children. I can't always give them what they want or need. And as their wants and needs grow more complicated and more immaterial, I will be even more helpless to fill them. They are their own beings, their own people, with their own eternal destinies and their own lives to live.
So, at that moment, four years ago, I realized that I missed him, the baby I held in my arms. Already I missed the little kicks from inside, I missed being his everything and feeling that I contained within me some wonderful secret known only to myself and God.
I miss the way he so perfectly fit on top of me when we lay down to nap together, his head by my neck and his body just fitting the length of my torso. I miss the way he nuzzled against me looking for my breast, and his tiny baby cries that sounded so much like mewing.
For everything I have said goodbye too, there have been corresponding hellos. Goodbye crawling, hello walking. Goodbye baby gurgles, hello words. Goodbye baby fat, hello long athletic limbs. Goodbye snuggles on the couch, hello reading and drawing and flights of fancy.
There have been new joys in each stage of my son's development, and there will be new discoveries to make as he grows. Every chance he has to learn more about himself and the world around him will be a chance to get to know each other better. And as he grows, he will, I hope, grow closer and closer to the goal...of not needing me any longer.
I didn't really know what I was doing when I named my firstborn son, but God knew what He was about when he inspired me to give him the middle name 'Samuel'. There is a lesson in that name, you see. God gave Hannah, who cried out in prayer for a child, the desire of her heart. But he gave her Samuel only so that she might give Samuel back to God.
To some measure, all mothers are Hannah, all children are Samuel.
God gave my sons to me, but only so I could give them back to God. Over and over again.
Hold your children tight, dear Mother. Love them with all you have while you have them. And then, piece by piece, be graceful as you let them go, to seek their meaning and their mission. It is the hardest and best thing a mother ever does.
Love,
Kate
I know I'm late to this but still wanted to contribute my letter.
Dear Mother,
We share a son—-he is yours by blood and mine through adoption, and both of ours through heart. I think about you more than I ever expected that I would, and I’d expected to think of you a lot. Every time I look at our son, I think of you. Every time I receive one of his kisses or hugs, I wish you had the opportunity to do the same. It hurts me to know that you can’t, and yet I know that my pain is nothing compared to what you experience every day.
When we met, I was so dazed that I could hardly think. I could hardly speak. There are so many questions that I wish I had asked you, even though it felt so awkward to talk through the translator. I hope that we will meet again so that I can ask those questions, and tell you about our son. I wonder how you remember him--happy, sad, sleeping close to you? I wonder what it was like when he was born, what you thought when you first saw him? I know you think of him often with love and sadness. I want to share him with you and hope very much that I will get the chance someday.
We keep a picture of you with us in our son’s room. It is framed and kept on his dresser, facing his crib. He sees it every day and asks about you often. When he wakes up crying, it often seems to soothe him to see the picture while we hold him. I know he was young when you last held each other but I truly believe he has happy memories of you.
He has already grown so much bigger than he was when you last saw him—-the picture that we gave you when he was 15 months old. I don’t know if you’ve been able to see the post-placement reports, the pictures that we’ve sent. He is tall and big, and the happiest child most of the time. He walks everywhere but loves to be held whenever he can. He loves books and music. He loves playing with his big brother—-I know it brought you happiness to meet him and see what a loving child he would be to our son. Sure enough, they are the best of brothers and love each other beyond reason. The sound of them laughing together is one I wish I could record and send to you.
Everyone loves him. I know, however, that no one loves him more than we do, the mothers who share him 8000 miles apart.
Love always,
Erin
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